iBrought An Apple To My Teacher

Deb: iJust purchased a new Macbook Air, so light iCan balance it on my finger. My old MacBook Pro decided that after six years of faithful service it was time to hang up its hard drive. iKnew this would involve getting to know a new computer from scratch so iDecided to purchase the $99.00 one-year Apple plan which would tell me everything iNeeded to know about the care and feeding of my new Mac.

Art by Deb's Finger

iHave made this purchase in the past, only to have it go the way of the gym membership that you pay for and never use. This time, iThought, it’s going to be different.

$99.00 is a good deal, but it is now translating into an excellent deal, the deal of deals, the deal of a lifetime!

The reason is simple. iHave decided that after years of handholding and above-the-waist with my various computers that it is time for me and my new Macbook Air to go all the way.  iDecided that iAm going to take advantage of every single class Apple has to offer. Every single class. iHave already reaped the benefits from three One To One’s (single class with client and “Genius” teacher), and with the patient guidance of the various Geniuses assigned to me, have learned the ins and outs of each key, program, application, and symbol my MacBook Air has to offer.

iAm not even daunted by the fact that iHave only retained forty percent of the info. Hell, iFigure that iAm forty percent smarter about my Mac, so that is win-win. Plus iHave my One to One site where iCan go for refreshers, tips and videos. Sweet. So iHave chosen to take iPhoto next and iTunes after that! And iWon’t stop until iKnow this computer inside and out!

iMay have just become Apple’s worst nightmare!

Each young genius assisting me is so patient and so informative that after the first half hour iWas actually able to stop myself from saying, “Yeah, it’s hard for me because iWasn’t brought up with this.” Or, “We didn’t have computers.” Or, “iLearned to type on a manual typewriter.” And my personal favourite humiliating statement, “iLearned to write with a fountain pen!” Man, why aren’t the geniuses allowed to slap you or tell you to shut up? But no, they just wait until you finish with your excuses, smile and continue. iHave no doubt that their lunchroom conversation this day revolved around, “What the fuck is a fountain pen?”

iKnow what you’re thinking, and iShare your concern! What is my husband going to do now with all that free time? How will he fill his days when he no longer has to troubleshoot, fix, download, upload, recall passwords, find passwords, reset passwords, and find lost documents? iHate to sound callous, but there’s nothing iCan do about that. He is going to have to fend for himself. He is going to have to find a way to fill all that extra time, reading or playing a video game or watching a movie. i’M sorry but he will just have to deal. And iWill placate and comfort him by reminding him that there are many more things outside the computer world that iWill still not get and still need his constant help with. iHope to God that’s enough for him!

Because Mama’s in Apple school!  Suddenly it is all about me and my personal set up, personal training, and personal projects. Relationship stuff will just have wait. And when the day comes that iCan say with some level of conviction the words, “iGet it, iReally get it!" ... only then, can we resume dinner’s-out and conversations.

Until that time iHave a job to do and iWon’t stop until it’s done!

Thank you, Apple. iHeart you.

Barbara: Oh gosh, Deb, you are ADORABLE! Or is that uAre??? On top of the laughs I got from this post, I harbour a deep and ingrained jealousy. I envy the students of today, the ones getting educated, the ones who are opening their consciousness to new and ever more marvelous things. And those of you who, at the end of your school day, can actually apply that knowledge in a useful way—on your COMPUTERS??? Oh, man iWant, iWant, iWant!!

Congrats, Deb, but know I will be aiming secret sidelong glances in your direction, pretending not to but still peering over your shoulder and trying to copy your homework. Fair warning.