Like when you’re across town,
it’s exciting if a stranger turns out to be literally from the general vicinity
of your house. But if you’re across the country, you get excited if they’re
from your city. And if you’re across the world, you get excited if they’re from
your country.
When we were on our ski trip
last week, we took a hot chocolate break at a large communal table filled with
other strangers, exchanging smiling glances and little else. Until a group from
Germany sat across from us and began asking polite questions about the food. It
took all of 3 minutes for banter about the merits of chili over tortellini soup
to segue to the fact that my parents once lived in Germany—which, naturally,
caused the law-of-‘hood to kick in. Suddenly we were pals getting to know each
other, not too shy to ask intimate questions or offer up personal anecdotes. We
had nothing in common beyond this tenuous link, but it was … something …
something that gave us a starting point to real connectedness.
After our charming respite,
we all went our separate ways, glad for the few minutes of camaraderie. Phil
turned to me and noted how we seem to connect more quickly to strangers if we
feel like we’re all from the “same place”. We wondered about this for a while,
hypothesizing that it might be because of our tribal natures, or it might come out
of a more modern need to remind ourselves that we are all related somehow. I mean, with our newfangled Heinz 57 heritages,
each one of us can find some obscure connection to almost everyone we meet. It
truly is 6 degrees of separation.
Now, I’m not saying we need
to feel a tribal connection to people in order to enjoy them or want to find
out more about them, but I can’t help wondering about how cool it is to experience
that thrill of recognition between two strangers.
I’m now looking forward to
the day when we’ll be all, “I can’t help noticing from your accent that you’re
from the Milky Way Galaxy. Cool, me too. Hey, do you know my pal Deb
McGrath?”
Deb: Barb, I relate to this
so very much. And let’s face it, since the beginning of time we have been
saying to strangers we meet, “So, where are your people from?”
I think that as the world
gets bigger with population and smaller with social networks, we crave the face
to face intimacy that comes from meeting someone from your village, be it a
city, country, or … well … village. I don’t think we do this to exclude or to segregate,
we do this to counter the vastness of our planet with the chance meeting of a
street party.
Wonderful Post Barb !!! and it is true isnt it ??? It feels comfortable to talk to some complete stranger who happens to be from our hood !!!! In my case it was always more with the language part......you have no Idea who you'll meet here in Mumbai....You just have to take a shot and start speaking in a language hoping the person would understand !!! But when some stranger shows up who HAPPENS to speak my "Mother Tongue"...Man I feel at home.....Its like 'FINALLY! someone who understands me...'!!! But this post reminded me of How I met all my best friends....:P
ReplyDeleteAnd I am so forward to that Day too Barb !!! and I'd really like to add this “Deb Mcgrath ??...Yeah I know her !!....I heard she just bought a floating mansion on the moon....” :D [Deb's Probably imagining it right now ;)]
Language is a whole other connector between people, isn't it, Shalaka??? But I'm sure Deb will love that house on the moon!
DeleteI totally get what your saying on this one. We always seem to hope to meet someone that is from our 'hood. I don't have a whole lot of travel experience and have never been outside of the country (flying scares the living daylights out of me so I have yet to even step foot on a plane at this point), but I have had those experiences of "Oh, your from there too! Same state! Wow! Who would have thought!"
ReplyDeleteI think we like to have something in common with people in general and where you're from is kind of a big one. I think we like to see where people from our city, state, country, planet, etc. have made it to, especially if they no longer live there, you know?
"Where are you from?" is kind of the universal ice-breaker, I think.
Yeah, in a world where we're always looking for a great ice-breaker, it's nice to have this universally accepted go-to!
DeleteOh, this is SO TRUE! You know Mari and I were already friends when I pulled out copies of my grandma's ancestry and realized Mari's sister lived in the town my family came from. Still, cements the connection. I felt much more Norwegian that day, knowing a real person from the the theoretical point of origin... it is always a bit of a thrill to find that point of connection.
ReplyDeleteI've never heard that story, Hart! That's amazing, isn't it? The internet world made even smaller... (love that Mari)
DeleteVery true and very sweet. My first day when I arrived at college in Idaho, I wore a t-shirt that said, "From Texas? Yes I am!" I met a lot of friends the first time I walked into the cafeteria from Texas. We kind of congregated together. A little group of Texans who had never seen snow in their lives were gathered together in Idaho, land of potatoes and snow. Our family has moved so many times over the years and it's fun to find out who else lived in the other places we have and if they lived there the same time we did. Now I live on the east coast and am living in the very county where some of my ancestors lived and died. It's a small world, after all! Sing with me now.....
ReplyDeleteSingin' with you, baby!! (be glad you can't hear me) I LOVE the t-shirt idea. Cut right to the chase. And doing the moving/travel gamut is a sure way to connect with amazing new people (even if it's not always easy...)
DeleteThis reminds me of the touts in Egypt in a way - and how they open their sales pitch...
ReplyDeleteTout: Where are you from?
Me: Canada
Tout: Ah, Canada Dry! Now, do you want a pyramid?
Me: La Shakran (No thanks!)
Tout: How about I sell it for 1000 pounds? 2000 pounds?
(Ah, Egypt...)
Anyhow, I find it very interesting. A lot of people that I know realize we're Canadian, but when you ask "Where are you from?", they don't reply "Canada". They tend to say "I'm <insert most influential/largest ethnic group here." Or they reply, "Oh I'm Canadian, but my ancestors came from ..." Why is that? I look at Odin and his peers and they embrace their Canadian-ness. Is it a generational phenomena? Is it a regional thing? I don't know..
Our daughter went on a school trip to Egypt a few years ago (yes, "changed her life") -- and she told everyone she was Egyptian ... because she does have a faint strain in her blood. It was an instant jolt of excitement for all involved. PS the "Canada Dry" thing just killed her!
DeleteAs for we Canadians, that is a very interesting thing -- I've noticed it too! But, like you say, no more for our children.
I think so many kids have so many differing pieces of heritage it's just easier to say Canadian, My ancestry was easy half and half, my girls are 1/4 this a 1/4 that and the rest is broken down into 1/8ths so Canadian is much easier.
DeleteI have traveled the world and have met people from everywhere but for me when we start talking and they are Jewish (like me) it is an immediate bonding. It has always been like that for me. First religion and you must know I am a non believer but am Jewish and acknowledge that so that anti-semitism doesn't rear it's ugly around me if I sense it is coming. Somehow we are bonded from a tribe and I feel it instantly as do they. Next is city of origin and then right down to neighborhood. Since I am considered close enough o Hollywood it usually is do you know any stars, seen any stars or something close to that. Next, if they have been to any state in the union or wish to travel to a particular state they ask me if what they have heard is really true. It is an interesting discussion Barb and thanks for sharing your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI wondered if religion might also be a bonding topic. For a non-religious Christian like me, it's not so much, but I totally get it for others (ironic that it's also a possible bud-nipper!) Thanks, Madge.
DeleteYeah, I noticed that, too.
ReplyDeleteWhenever we were on holiday, it was always comforting to find other Germans...or other people from my state/region. You always have something to talk about. Like, when I was in England to see my favourite band. I always went alone, because nobody wanted to come with me. It's fine, I don't really care...but it was always great to meet some other german fans, with whom I could speak German, and who helped me out.
The world is quite small. It seems that no matter where you are, somebody has been to your city/country, or knows someone from your family...Strange, huh?
But it's nice that we're all connected!
When I visited "Legoland" in Denmark with my parents (in 1991, I guess), we even met one of my friends with her parents. That was funny.
But - maybe that's only me - I find it quite sad that most people don't care about you after that short moment of happiness. I met a girl at the airport in Manchester, who was going to see that band, too. We exchanged phone numbers and mail addresses...she never wrote back.
With the internet, I don't really care so much about where someone is from. Of course, it's exciting to find out, with whom I'm writing, but it's more like a big community, where gender, age, looks, origin don't matter anymore. I like that, because it's so nice and interesting to get to know people (like you), you wouldn't have met without the internet. :)
Amazing story, Becki, that you met a friend of your parents at such an unlikely place. As for the other connections, they do seem to most often be one-shot deals. As actors, we're very used to it: you work intimately with people over a short period of time, you feel like family, closely-bonded, and you're CERTAIN you will all keep in touch afterward ... and then nothing. People get sidetracked and distracted, even if intentions were good at the start. Don't take it personally...
DeleteAnd, you're right: one of the best parts about the internet is that it's way easier to get back to people in cyberspace!
What area are you from I have ancestors on my dads side from Hanover and from Nunemburg.
DeleteYeah, you're right...I guess some connections only work in THAT special moment/time/place/situation.
DeleteI'm a person, who tends to cling to other people very easily...I like to stay in touch with people I like.
@Erin
Do you mean Nuremberg (Nürnberg)? That's not far from here...like 100km. It's even in the same region "Franconia" (Franken). Been there. It's a nice city.
Hannover is in the north. About 300km from here.
The world is small. :)
Relatives on my Dad's side are also in Hannover. And, Becki, it's back to that old friend rule: friend for a season, a reason, or life...
DeleteYes Nuremburg that's what I get for using my phone to write comments. I apparently have some far flung relatives left in the area but none I actually know. The grandparents who come from that area left in 1904 the others in the late 1800's.
DeleteThat's nice...now every time I drive past Hannover or Nuremburg, I will think of you! :D :D
DeleteAh...btw...I once went to an "Emigration Center" (it's a museum, where they show you how people emigrated in the 19th century[it's so cool. It's like living another peron's life, and experience his/her own history]. They left with huge ships from Bremerhaven to America, Canada...maybe your ancestors were among them?).
You can also look people up, if you want to find them...
Link: http://www.dah-bremerhaven.de/english/english.htm
Classic example of this: When I was in England this summer I met someone who was from the hometown my mom grew up in (bonus, she was also a Biology major like me). We instantly hit it off and we were both astonished at just how small the world really is!!!
ReplyDeleteNow that's a lovely tale :)
DeleteWhen someone asks where I'm from, I always say "Boston." It tickles me no end when they said, "Actual Boston? 'Cause I'm from (city near me)." I love finding out there really are folks who've heard of Malden.
ReplyDeleteOn cruises, I say Boston, and a lot of the time, they say, "Oh, I used to live in (city I know) 'til we moved away from the snow." That's another thing I've noticed: we of the snowy north tend to find each other, probably because we're usually commiserating about it. (No commiserating this year!)
On-line, it's a whole different story. My friends are in Texas, Minnesota, England, Scotland, Toronto. Someday we're going to hit the lottery and actually meet. And learn what we all really look like. :)
You mean that's not you in your profile pic, Dawn??? I'm teasing, I know we don't really "know" what we look like... Snow, yes, is an amazing connector -- we're such noble cold-weather commiserators :) And also, I love the "actual Boston" nuance.
DeleteI think part of it is a measure of how much our worlds have grown. At first all we know are the people in our family. As we get older it becomes people on your street then people in your town, then province and then country. I was thinking about something similiar the other day when my husband and I were talking about a trip to NS were planning. All of a sudden we started listing people we'd like to stop and say hi to as we make our way back to Winnipeg, It was so and so in Charlettetown and this person in Moncton and someone else in Montreal and Ottowa and Toronto and Peterbourough etc.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me that having that link no matter how big or small to another place makes it a part of our world. I may never have visited PEI but I know someone there and that for some reason changes my view of it. Or I don't know maybe we just like to connect with others it's human nature.
It's definitely food for thought. But it's comfort food, like mashed potatoes and roasted chicken. Don't you think? So nice to cozily consider friends around the small world.
DeleteThis is so true - I'm from New Zealand and when I am in Europe I even feel close to Australians!
ReplyDeleteYou see, Carole?! PS when we were skiing in BC last week, I can't tell you how many of the young people "behind the scenes" were from New Zealand. I swear, it felt like every ski instructor, liftie, cook, server and clerk!
DeleteAs soon as I saw this comment I went, "Yay New Zealand!" and felt exactly as you described in this blog. And then I lol'd. Proves your point, no?
DeleteHa, Aimee, another lovely New Zealander!
Deletewell you picked the right day to talk of this topic : ) I just landed back in Jersey about an hour ago from Daytona Beach Florida. First grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Okay sorry I just had to get that out of my system. The Race was postponed because of the rain and I had to get back to Jersey so I ended up missing the Daytona 500 :( Feels like I left my heart in Daytona.
ReplyDeleteBut on an up note:
My dad and I got so excited when we were behind a car with a Jersey lisence plate ! We never talked to them but it was still fun to see someone from Jersey in Florida : ) We also happened to be sitting in front of a group of guys from Deleware when in the stands. We had a conversation with the just based on the fact that that we were from the north east: )
Arrrrrggggh for you Kelly! You were sooooo looking forward to that trip!! I'm sorry the race bailed. But glad you met some friendly peeps.
Deletei can imagine what you are feeling Kelly . my parents and i had to cancel a trip to new york in April 2010 due to the fact a cloud of ash spread from an active volcano in Iceland grounding all flights across Europe.
Deleteawww thanks for the love guys. It really helped : ) <3 *Stealing a line from Ellen here* I send the Love right back to you all : )
Deletewhere ever you go in the world there always seems to be a community of Irish people or failing that at least an Irish pub.
ReplyDeletewhen i am out of the country and spoken to people they seem to pick up on my accent quickly and always have a story about Ireland to tell. (strange to say a lot of people here in Dublin tell me i sound american !) i love to hear people talk to me about my home country . never heard anything bad yet !
the best encounter i had with an Irish person when staying away from home is bumping in to a neighbor and her husband who live just across the road form me . we were on gran canaria in the canary islands (they are a colony of islands belonging to Spain just off the north African coast in case you don;t know !) i hardly ever see her when i am here . i had to fly elsewhere top bump into her .
in 2006 i joined a message board for an american TV show i like . i was the only European on it . as soon as i mentioned my nationality so many of my fellow board members replied to my message saying they have some Irish background . a couple of them i remain in touch with to this day . do need social networks to keep in touch with people i know as a lot of my friends are in the UK and America .
I actually have this stereotypical ideal that the Irish are everybody's friend -- glad to hear it's quite true :)
Deletethere are idiots in this country of course ( most of them sit in our parliament but thats another story !) but by and large you are correct .
DeleteI have been enjoying these comments about the small and big world we live in (Actual Boston) and you are right Becki,the internet does not have those boundaries. But at the same time it does always make me marvel and rejoice at the friends we have across this huge planet! It's my favourite thing about the blog. We are the same. And yet we are all from completely different worlds. Yet...we relate and come together. I think that is swell.
ReplyDeleteWeighing in late here with my two cents. My parents moved myself and two of my eight siblings to upstate NY when I was 11. I had spent those first eleven years spending every summer on the beach and surrounded by family. My mom had five brothers and each of them had an average of five kids. We moved up here leaving behind the four oldest children and everything I knew. I was so lonely and got teased incessantly about my accent. I no longer had my older sisters and brother and didn't see my cousins anymore.
ReplyDeleteI have now lived upstate for some forty years and I will always consider Long Island my home. I love when relatives visit from the Island and I hear the familiar accent I lost years ago. Am now finding a large population of folks who have moved up here from NYC and the Island.
I also know what you mean about the nationalities getting our attention too. My father disappeared when I was seven but he was proud of his Irish and I was proud to be a Doyle. We also used to attend large family gatherings with my mother's maternal family from Scotland (Mom's mother was a McLaughlin) to this day there is nothing more soothing then bagpipes.
My kids are the typical Heinz 57 now carrying far too many nationalities to narrow it down to one or the other. I love meeting people and learning about them though which is what makes this so much fun.
Never too late to weigh in on the posts, Mary! Especially when there's interesting family stories to share. I'm not from there, but I love that Long Island accent too. Makes me warm and fuzzy :) As for the bagpipes... Just teasing. One of my favourite lifetime memories is going to Scotland with my university acting troupe to perform at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival - and seeing the Tattoo. Amazing.
DeleteI am really hoping we make contact with intelligent life from off-planet before I die. Because it's GOTTA be out there. I just hope it's friendly.
ReplyDelete