Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Yes And ...

Deb: In the world of improv, there are rules. I know it seems kinda funny that there are rules in improv, but there are, and following them makes you a better improviser. An example of an improv rule would be “don’t block” or “don’t deny”. The concept being that to be a good improviser you must accept each idea that is given to you. If I walk into a scene and say I am your long lost sister then you must accept that and go with it and take it farther. To deny my offer serves nothing. It simply stops the scene cold.

“I am your long lost sister.”
“No, you are not.”

Scene=dead.

“I am your long lost sister.”
“YES, you are!!!! You have my same weird birthmark shaped like garlic.” 

Okay, granted, my example was not funny, but do you see how the scene takes off? Now we are going places! The possibilities are endless.

Needless to say, I have witnessed and, at times, been a part of great improv. I talked months ago in the blog  about The National Theatre of the World who are some of the greats at improv. And of course I am married to one of the masters of improv, as you know. But these people are not great because they are funny, although that is a big part of it. No, they are great because they know how to play the game the way it should be played and that is summed up by one simple phrase: Yes And.

Yes And is key to great improvising. If I make a statement in a scene, you should accept it. YES and then add to it ... AND.

Last week when Colin and I were at Chicago Second City I got to thinking about the Yes And and thought, wouldn’t it be great if we all Yes Anded in LIFE? What if we confirmed and added to every statement someone offered us in conversation?

Even if we didn’t agree with the statement, it would work. You could totally disagree and yet still forward the thought. 

“I think that Picasso was the greatest artist of the 20th century.”
“I hate Picasso. I could paint his crap with my feet.”

Yes Anding would maybe make it...

“I think Picasso was the greatest artist of the 20th century”
Yes, he had an amazing way of looking at the world and I think it’s great that you appreciate his work, but I tend to love his earlier more realistic stuff more.”

We open the conversation while still holding our opinion. We don’t block the person. We don’t downgrade their opinion. We show respect for other ideas and thoughts and we add our opinion.

I do confess that this becomes a stumbling block around, “Don’t you just love Nazis?” However, you still might even be able to Yes And that with:
Yes, I thought their uniforms were very slimming, but I really despised their guts.”

See? A nod to the slim tailored uniforms keeps the ball in the air. The conversation is still afloat.

Seriously though, all I am saying is that especially with venues like Facebook, I am finding that people just ram negative comments at us all the time. And in conversation I rarely hear anyone start a sentence anymore with “In my opinion, dot dot dot...” On the contrary, it often seems that we state things as fact. No wiggle room. I did not like the movie you liked, therefore said movie stank. Do not challenge me.

I find this blocking stance especially irksome regarding the arts. Art is subjective, isn’t it? Isn’t that the beauty of it?

I was never a modern art gal until the boy at the age of four enticed us into its world and now, although I certainly don’t like everything I see, I have grown to not only appreciate it, but to understand its beauty and strength.

“Mommy, I want to go into that room where there is a giant number five balancing on a bloody bird feather”.
“No, sweetie, that’s modern art. It’s scary. We don’t like it.”

Yes And brings us...

Yes, sweetie, that looks amazing. Let’s go in there and see the giant baby head balancing on a feather and it will become your lifelong passion and we will bond over it and as a result we will see modern art all over the world and sometimes it will make us laugh and sometimes it will make us puke and we will have wonderful conversations about it over dinners and we will have wonderful conversations about it over the years and we will meet at modern art galleries when you move away from home and it will be good and it will stimulate us and we will always remember the first time we went there.

Yes And. After all, isn’t that what we do every day of our lives ... improvise?

Barbara: Aw, Deb, you made me both laugh and teary with this one. How can I not laugh at “slimming Nazi uniforms”? But there is a core truth here that hits very close to home for me. Did you know that one of my most challenging times was when I worked with someone who (unwittingly) said no to almost every one of my ideas? It took me a long time to realize how frustrated, confused, and ultimately belittled it made me feel. When I finally realized what was happening, I pointed it out to him—and, to his credit, he was totally shocked. Ironically, this habit was so ingrained that, as we continued to work, his solution was mostly a tentative Yes But. Which sounds better, but is essentially the same as “no”. Worst of all was how I ended up reacting—by turning in desperation to my own crude, heels-dug-in-stubborn and strident no, No, NOs!  *embarrassed shudder* (lesson learned)

What an amazing and wondrous experience it is when someone takes your idea or thought or notion and expands upon it, allowing it to billow up, bigger and wider, until it is airborne and gloriously huge. Yes And is flying and dreaming and collaborating and connecting and relating and hearing. Yes And is the best kind of fuuuuuuuuun.

120 comments:

  1. I totally get what you're saying, Deb. In my area of study (Secondary English Education) it is the normal response to say, "yes, and..." when a student gives an answer about a character or symbol or whatever. There really isn't a right and wrong answer, as long as you can support it effectively. My English professors use this method and it really creates a great classroom with real conversations rather than that fear of being wrong, which will, of course, keep everyone absolutely silent in fear.
    "Yes, and" is so effective in moving a conversation or lesson along and encourages thought. I love it! Saying "no" can be so counterproductive!
    Great post today, as always! xoxo

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    1. Steph I love that it is used elsewhere. That is amazing. I bet that class is stimulating as a result. Saying no is just that isn't it? NO!

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    2. Teaching English/Literature is considered a "Yes, and" profession, at least at my university. I was actually told this during one of the first days of classes a couple years ago and it stuck with me. I think that is why I decided that English is what I wanted to teach. There are not a lot of solid, hard facts, like in other subjects. I mean, if you ask a student what a candle could symbolize, you will most likely get light, then you say "yes, and what else could it be?" You get life, power, hope, so many things. Then you turn to what happens if the candle is blown out, what would that symbolize in relation to what you said the candle itself symbolized? You create this chaotic web with no real answers, yet it all makes sense in the end (hopefully, anyway...).
      Lile you were saying in your post, you can't say no or completely shut down what they just said. You have to use that as a jumping off point. I've heard some of my classmates relate classic literature to Spongebob (still working that one out), and they can explain it in a way that makes some sort of sense. If we just said no, then we are stopping thought and future comprehension of a text(literature, not a text message in case anyone was wondering on that one.). I am one of those people that doesn't notice the obvious symbols and allusions in literature, but I tend to find the more obscure ones, like Shakespeare's references to MND in As You Like It (love both of these so much!). I notice the little things, word choice and I have conversations with professors about them outside of class, usually email, because a lot of my classmates just don't see the connections so they think I am "wrong." I even wrote a research essay on something like that that has received a lot of attention from local scholars, so I must be doing something right!
      Anyway, to make a long story short (too late. Wrote a novel and its sequel), "Yes and" is a great way of life.
      Only time to say not is when a stranger offers you candy and a ride. Probably should stick with no on that one.
      Although...

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    3. Oh, Steph! I love this!

      Strange thing to remember but she did a lot of harm: My 12th grade AP English teacher was a mean, mean woman. She taught literature in a "No, you're wrong. This is the only way to see it" way. Totally sucked the joy out of literature!

      AND, the bitch told me I couldn't write. She spent the whole year dogging on me because of my writing style.

      She told me at the beginning of the year, "No one gets straight A's in my AP English class." I pissed her off by doing just that. And, I kept sufficient documentation and such to keep her from lowballing me. (It didn't help that her husband was the principal of the school and a very lovely man with whom I got along just fine.) Guess who got straight A's in her class? And, guess who got a perfect 5 on the AP English exam writing the free response MY way answering the questions with MY interpretations (what'd I have to lose? She wasn't gonna be grading it! lol)? At the end of the school year, she had to give me the Senior English Honors Award. Her husband made her sign it. I wonder if she chose catsup or teriyaki sauce to pour on that plate full of crow she had to eat, hmmmm?

      (The funny thing was, before I even set foot in her class, I'd already made a perfect score on the English portion of the ACT. And, midway through first semester, I already had my full ride scholarship to college. I was already fairly untouchable.)

      Anyway, fast forward years, and what has me still all growly bear about her are 2 things: 1. She ruined some lovely books/stories for me. She completely sucked the joy out of a lot of literature for me. For example, it was years later, on into my early 30's, before I could pick Shakespeare up for myself and enjoy his work for myself on my own terms. 2. (And biggest) She sucked the joy out of writing for a long, long time. She also rattled the hell out of my confidence about writing. I was well into my 20's before I dared to submit my first magazine article for publication. (It was published! My first try! Freaky!) Her hatefulness ruined writing for me for a long time. Furthermore, it took a lot of excruciating writing work to get MY voice back -- to write true to myself again despite her and a couple of college professors. I can't even imagine what color she'd turn if she knew I'd been published multiple times.

      The WORST was that she was the faculty member assigned to the valedictorian every year for speech prep and rehearsal. Guess who was valedictorian? To say she and I clashed would be an understatement. Stuck up censor bitch!

      Anyway, when I'm back in my parents' town, on the rare occasion that I bump into her, I say very little and get away quickly. All sorts of revulsion and anger and bad, bad memories. It takes every drop of my energy to be civil and maintain decorum. Too much negativity, too much damage, too much harm. I have no respect for her AT ALL. I don't like so much as being in the same store as her. Yes, I know, as a Christian I really MUST get better at that forgiveness stuff *sigh* Usually, I am, but a very few folks just stick in my craw. I have to keep re-forgiving them till it can really take hold in my heart. Tough spiritual work. *sigh*

      Never underestimate the wonders a great teacher can work (e.g. Mrs. Ash - Honors Trig/Precal and Calculus, Mr. Holland - AP Chemistry and Honors Physics, Dr. Burke - Honors Brit Lit II (my first semester at university), Dr. Edmunds - Advanced French Composition (at university)). But, never underestimate the harm a bad teacher can do (Mrs. Woodham - AP English).

      Steph -- So glad you have already stumbled across English teachers who understand the power of yes and!!!

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    4. Rigel what does the "AP" in front of some of those classes mean? And you said, "I'd already made a perfect score on the English portion of the ACT" - what is ACT?

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    5. Aimee,
      AP stands for Advanced Placement, which is for students that are above average and accelerated. These classes, from my experience, are taught closer to the college level. ACT used to stand for American College Testing, but now it is only ACT.
      Hope this helps!

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    6. Yeah guys AP stands for advanced Placement it's true. I hate to brag but I was in W.T. which stands for "what the?'
      Rigel I am glad you listed some wonderful teachers here reminding us that in any profession there are good great and bad and even worse. I'm sorry you had to endure that really bad but clearly you had some teachers that are more than worth your sweet memory of them. Lovely.

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    7. Thanks Steph. We just call it Scholarship English here, only because there's a very vague chance that someone might get a scholarship for something they do in that class.
      Haha Deb! Goes to show that intelligent people can go unnoticed in school :)

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  2. Yes, I like that thought...

    And I'm always surprised that you extract a philosophy of life from the most random things...

    And I'm with you, because I always try to approve other people's opinions, and add my own statement...

    And I can't stand it, when you tell somebody something, and he/she is like: I hate that. Not interested. Don't know. No. No. No...

    And I know that it's awesome that we all have different opinions and interests, but it's important to accept others, and don't say: I don't like it. It has to be bad.

    Yes and sounds good.

    Say yes to life itself, to the challenges and obstacles, and add your own experience, solution, emotion.

    It's not about giving up, because you can't change things.

    It's about standing up to life, and leaving your own traces.

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    1. Beautiful Yes And answer Becki! Perfect. "it's about standing up to life and leaving your own traces. I just wrote that one down in my "keeper file". Thanks. I must confess though that when I was younger I was one of those people. I have learned my lesson and just like being a reformed anything, it now drives me nuts!

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    2. Wow, me too(writing this one down). Just expressed so beautifully, Becki.

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    3. *blushes* Thanks!

      First step of becoming famous. *lol*

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  3. Awwwwh Deb this post is so beautiful...I kinda am really interested in improv....thanks to you I know how its done now..BTW your pix CUTE!!!
    And its so true....YES ANDing everything would make life so much better.....its sucha great way to say "I respect and adore our your perspective"...I mean our difference in perspective and ideas make this World vivid right ? and you are so right about negative comments people pass on Fb...For example for me the biggest one of all is anti-twilighties. I am a TWILIGHT fan.....IDK why I just love it.....and there are people who have serious issues that I like it..Its odd really coz they keep seeking me out online and sending me anti-twilight messages or pictures.....WHY ??????? its like in friends when Ross tries to make Phoebe believe in evolution......I actually dont have a problem....Its my life so I ignore it....!! But its a little odd why people like to do it ya know.....
    And yeah I think Modern art is subjective...I mentioned it in my comments once......Its amazing when someone is describing a painting how different and unique perspective they have...Its brilliant!! Thats actually why I love to hear what people think about my digital paintings they are recreated references but everyone has something unique to say about them !!!

    And Barb ...honey I feel for ya really....Ive had so many people saying NO to my ideas....I know its very discouraging sometimes I know how you mustve felt *big-hug*......Its weird just a couple of months ago one of those "NO" guys turned up ...I asked him "Did ya like my Hogwarts digital painting" he says "No..ITS NOT VERY GOOD"...and i was fine with it so I said "Ok...what about the others ????" and he says "Ya know that painting where you got first place...that wasnt good either" so I was thinking "did I get the certificate, gold medal and the money................Yup I did" so I go (very coolly)"Yeahh.?...ok".....and he was not expecting that.....trust me when you have this attitude...the situation becomes less embarassing and more FUNNY !!! but you are right some people sometimes dont even realize they are criticizing..
    If people embraced the ideas and helped them evolve and expand and combine....man wouldnt it be the most AMAZING FUN ?????

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    1. PS...I can see Fanny standing behind you in the pix...that made it even CUTER!!

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    2. I hadn't even noticed that, Shalaka! So I went back -- and there she is, one little dog bum behind Deb like she's standing in line to say, "Yeah, me too with a big ol' Yes And!"

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    3. She's probably wondering Why she cant see the camera :D

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    4. Shalaka I know exactly what you are saying. It is do demoralizing when you love something, really love something and people put it down. I mean I have said things to people like "Oh I don't watch it but I hear it's fantastic" thus preserving my right to watch what I want to watch. As far as your work goes, first off you are SOOOOO talented and secondly How friggin rude of that guy. Not worth your time and effort to even speak to him. Jealous I am thinking. I took my Dad to the art gallery yesterday and he said the best thing. He was just loving the traditional and watercolour and oils and Canadian art and we got to modern and he said "I just wish I understood it". Good comment. Not "I hate it" no judgement. So it was a Mondrian something I know a bit about and it opened a great conversation and we looked at a few pieces. Yay.

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    5. I only noticed that this morning too! Yep there she is thinking "yes and ...if I stand close enough to the door, the mom will let me out and if I get out I can maybe finally after all these years catch that darn squirrel.

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    6. Oh and thanks for saying I looked cute in the picture Shalaka because I confess I almost didn't post it. Almost just put the tshirt on the table and shot it. I have had a migraine for three days and my poor little eyes are slits. But yeah it's okay given that. Plus it's supposed to be about the t-shirt and the post which is what my wounded ego finally said to my puffy slitty eyed face! xo

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    7. Awww....I know thats a good thing to say....I really think Modern art or art for that matter has different meaning to different people !!! and thats was amazes me !!! it shows the hidden traits of our personalities....and its unbelievable !!yeah I dont really give a rip what he thinks.....it was just weird because he was the one who gave me first place in the competition...so i guess THE JOKES ON HIM :D LOL
      Awwwh thanks for calling me talented...out of curiosity did you check my paintings ???

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    8. awww...but I guess the squirrel's dream to live a little longer came true...because of MOM !!!! awwwww so cute....
      The tshirt looks really great......
      Awwwh honey youve still got those migraines huh ??? I know something that might help ya....Try taking some cotton dip it into rose water...keep it on your eyes and sleep for a few minutes.....it will give you some rest and its very good for our eyes!!! and for the migraines I actually know a way you could heal most of it yourself I'll tell ya if your interested just lemme know....xo

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    9. I have checked out your paintings a few times Shalaka and I am sure I raved about them to you the first time you linked them for us. Didn't I? Please tell me I did. They are awesome!!!! As are you. I am going to try that rose water idea. I love rose water. Thanks for that. Okay I don't get this guy. Why did he give you first prize then diss you? This is soooooo about his issues clearly.

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    10. LOL yeah.....no actually i guess you didnt :P ......great that you checked 'em . Barb wasnt sure if she forwarded my email....so I thought maybe you didnt check em out
      But who cares...YOU DID......Awesome ?? really ??? aww...thats sucha big compliment....You are just the best !!!thanks....
      Lol I know it was funny...i gave him a look "DUDE you chose me didnt ya ??? Oh fuck it....who cares..I WON"
      and yeah the rose water thing helps...and if the migraines cause you anymore pain...lemme know Il tell ya a nice healing process k ?
      Love ya honey take care !!!! xoxo

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    11. Awww, that cute little dog was the first thing I noticed, too! :)

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    12. Deb, I've read recently that if you give yourself an ice cream headache it will take away the migraine. I'm not sure about that but it's worth a try. I get migraines as well and I plan to try it myself next time. I sure hope yours goes away soon, dear. People who, fortunately for them, have never experienced a migraine, don't get how even something as quiet as sipping thru a straw can hurt my head. No noise is acceptable, nor light. Just lock me up in the cold fortress of solitude and go away until I come out. Don't poke the bear. :)

      Hugs and cold compresses,
      Karen

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    13. Shalaka -

      I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Your artwork is absolutely on track to be a collection printed in Hi Fructose!

      I can't wait to see more of your stuff! I can't wait to see how you shift and evolve over the years! Hey, Picasso had a Blue Period and Renoir reverted back to more realistic painting in his later years. I wonder what artistic periods you are going to move through! lol

      Seriously, I love that you are working on the forefront of a still new and evolving artistic medium. And, all that aside, your stuff is just plain nice to look at -- and, importantly -- look at AGAIN. And, you are so young! It's going to be a total blast to watch how your work changes as you walk through life experiences!

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    14. Awwwwwwwwwwwh Rigel....that is SO SWEET ...thanks so much!!! I think I'm welling up....You're the best....I LOVE YOU !!!!!!!

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  4. Love the post today. Yes it is a great post And it always is . I had to try it. I,might,also try it,today in tweet world. Maby the twitter world could catch on using it.

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    1. Lyndsie I love that idea. You have your work cut out for you in the tweet world but Yes Go For IT AND good luck!

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  5. 1. I looooove that shirt, Deb! OK, I blatantly covet it! lol

    2. Reading this post, I couldn't help but thinking about these the whole time:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z86EGt3GuPw

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reU8cHlvjdU

    3. I remember first reading about that "yes, and..." stuff 4 years ago or so and have seen references to it in multiple sources. It was supercool reading your first hand, experienced take on it, Deb. But, there's something I've always wondered ever since first reading it. What do you do when the other person says/does something that you Just. Can't. Yes. And. When they go somewhere that violates your core morals/ethics and you just cannot play along. It's more than won't play along. It's can't play along because to do so would violate who you are. I'm not talking about the other person finding something funny but you find it tacky, tasteless, and unfunny (e.g. poop and poot humor, frat boy humor, etc. are tacky, tasteless, and unfunny to me). I'm talking about someone asking you to go somewhere in improv that you just can't. For example, I'm pro-life. Deeply and thoroughly so. I could not and would not go anywhere on abortion/dead baby humor. Someone with a mentally disabled child would be cut to the core over "retard" humor. And, while yes I am a Christian and yes I find Eddie Izzard absolutely freakin' hilarious ESPECIALLY when he is riffing on the Bible, there are people who, in the midst of being what they think is funny, who cross the line into sacrilege and with whom I simply could not play along with. Everyone has their core morals, their core values. And, not everyone matches, far from it, of course. So, what happens in an improv environment when one person takes the game in a direction that is horrific and untenable to the other person? It's a question of integrity.

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    1. AWWWWWWWWW always love some Whose line...."THE CAT" and "GET THE ELECTRIC BEAVER" FUNNIEST THING EVER LMAO!!!!!!!! and Ryan's expressions EPIC !!!!! Love ya Colin !!!!

      OMG this made me laugh so hard Thanks Rigel LOVE YA !!!

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    2. Rigel thanks for sharing those. I love that Colin was almost cracking up when Greg was giving the instructions! And Ryan and Colin together? Classic yes and! Classic! That's how it's done right? As far as the moral issue goes Rigel I totally understand what you are saying which is the silly point I was making with the Nazi comment. I guess I feel that if we try to yes and it, as painful or distasteful it might be, we might just get a glimpse into another point of view and that is a good thing, don't you think?

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    3. I think my concern is that playing along would imply consent or acquiescense.

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    4. Oooo! Oooo! Oooo! Wait! I just thought up a burst of naughty mischief. Let me be clear that I would never do/say this for real. It is so not my style. Nuh uh. But, just for the verbal play, try this one on for size:

      "Yes, and... you're going to hell."

      Manages to stab whatever provoked an unwillingness to play along AND take a dig at fundamentalism at the same time!

      OK, offensive. Yeah, sorry. Between the weather last night, the cat being a loud, furry idiot because he was freaked out by the weather, and being gutted over the USCG Dolphin crash in Mobile Bay, I got no sleep. So, I'm typing loopy sleep depped. So, punchy sleep depped that I'm now imagining 3 other people on the stage spontaneously becoming a Broadway-style chorus line of demons and the whole thing devolving into a bad eschatology themed musical improv. Or, a game show.

      Oh, Caffeine, where are you, my chemical friend?

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    5. Yes, and I will see you there :)

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    6. Midterms? The End Times? Same thing, right? ;)

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    7. Great videos! Love those guys! <3
      xoxo

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    8. I know! The videos were great weren't they? Thanks to Rigel. And Rigel I don't think yes and means literally with every person that you agree with their point. I think it simply means that you respect their right to have their now point and their own opinion. Does that make it easier for you?

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    9. Rigel, one of the toughest concepts for me to learn was "Acceptance." I don't want to accept the depression. I want to fight it. The therapists said that "acceptance" does NOT equal "approval."

      Ever a fan of semantics, the way I made this work for me is to say "acknowledgement" instead of "acceptance." The problem is, in fact, there. It's not okay, but it does exist.

      So then you go on to, "It's there. Now, what do I do about it?" Same idea as "Yes and..."

      "Yes they've moved into an uncomfortable area, and I can redirect it by saying "blank." I imagine that, as in life, the more you do it, the more you practice it, the easier it gets, or the faster your mind can turn it around.

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    10. Deb and Dawn -

      I love the way y'all framed this issue! What a cool perspective! Also, it's very awesome that y'all both could piece together the words to convey such a nebulous and challenging concept.

      Thanks, y'all!

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  6. I had my own taste of improv when I was called up on stage at Colin and Brad in Richmond (YES I AM STILL TALKING ABOUT THAT. SUE ME, IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!). I was only on stage for about 10 minutes, but it felt like an eternity, and improv is much much much more difficult than I imagined! I have so much respect for the guys of Whose Line and anyone else who has an improv career; it really is quite brilliant and somewhat of an art form!

    Love the pic, Deb! :D

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    1. Holly I am so glad you were called up! which game was it? What did you do. Tell all!!!! But you are so right. That is what makes it amazing because those that are good at it make it look so darn easy.

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    2. She just had to finish their sentences whenever prompted. I think I have a video...may have to post to Youtube someday...

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    3. Kelly and Holly - I am dying to see that video!!!! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

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    4. our youtube channel is korbsquared. They should be there; uploaded them this morning! :D

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    5. as someone who is unlikely ever to see colin and brad live , as i live on the wrong continent , i would love to see your clips . please post links !

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    6. As you wish :]

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHEMEvKiaJk

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQjsILpAAHc

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    7. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    8. Great videos! Love it!

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    9. What's Colin's response after Holly's "fill in the blank"? I can't make it out.

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  7. And yes, is part of my vocabulary and I really try to say something nice and also without a but, but, sometimes it is almost impossible with some people. Can always use your eyebrows are terrific or you have great ears and yes, that makeup is perfect. I also use "and yes", I get your point but it doesn't do anything for me. Always talk in the me/I, it rarely gets you into trouble but the YOU can kill it.

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    1. So true Madge the YOU can kill it. It is tough with some people I agree, those people that do not want to listen. We all have those people in our lives. But it makes it more fun trying to get through to them don't you think?

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  8. WHOOOOOOAAA!!! Wait a minute!!!!!!! I've got an idea!!!!!

    (Feel fear.)

    Oh. My. God.

    (Not taking the Lord's name in vain. Seriously saying, "Yo! Check this out!" to deity of choice.)

    This whole, "Yes, and...." thing. What if I do it by myself? When WRITING?!? In my own head?!?!? What if I let my characters say whatever they say and go off in weird directions however they go off without forcing any outline or preconceived notions about plot or anything on them? What if I just type whatever random stuff falls out of my bizarre brain and see what happens? After all, I can just delete it later.

    But, maybe, just maybe, something'll fall out that'll get me unstuck in the places I'm stuck!

    Can, "Yes, and..." work when it's just one person? A slightly wacko writer sitting by herself at the computer?

    Can a writer let the characters in her head improv?

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    1. YES YES YES RIGEL! I love this idea. I may try it myself. Even if it is not all perfect you are going to mine some gold there! Good luck and let us know how it works!

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    2. love love LOVE this!! This is my favourite way of writing -- and by far the most interesting and exciting. Can't wait to hear how you fare!!! (yes, characters you make up can -- and will -- totally improv if you let them. And, yes, it doesn't always work out, but when it does, man, watch out!)

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    3. ...Can I hug you?
      You just solved my writer's block problem.
      It works, it works, it works!

      May your life be interesting,
      Sarah

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    4. Hugs? Yes, please!

      *presents self for snuggling*

      I am a total hugslut!

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    6. That's pretty cool. Writers say that their characters develop themselves on their own. Maybe that 's the trick. Just let them say or do what they want. And.

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    7. Characters develop themselves on their own. Great concept Becki. Rigel you are on to something girl.

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  9. I love this post and the concept of it. I've always tried not to discount others opinions no matter how much they differ from mine. After all if we all loved the exact same things imagine what a dull world we would live in. There would be no variety and variety after all is the spice of life.

    Since it's already been brought up take Twilight, my oldest loves twilight both the books and the movies and I....well I don't. (sorry Shalaka) I suspect my love of Dracula and Gary Oldman plays a big part in that but I would never suggest that it's wrong or stupid for her to love them. I've bought her the books I've watched most of the movies with her (although I don't deny pretending to hang myself on occasion while watching) and I respond to her decree of I love twilight with "yes and they sparkle". Even though it's still making fun of twilight the fact that it says yes first tells her that it's ok for her to love it even though I don't.

    If someone holds a different opinion or hates something I love, or loves something I hate who am I to say their wrong to feel that way? Perhaps if I'd lived their life I too would hold that same opinion or vice versa. I cannot judge a life by what I have not lived.

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    1. Erin two things stood out for me-"if we all loved the same things, imagine what a dull world we would live in". True! And-"I cannot judge a life by what I have not lived". Perfect.

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    2. Awwh its ok.....its your perspective.....so sweet you thought of me....!! infact i loved the fact that you said "I dont like it" rather that "TWILIGHT STINKS ??!??!!" I dont even mind the later....as long as people dont seek me out everywhere and find different ways to say it to me..! lol
      lol "yes and they sparkle".....

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  10. Oh my gosh Rigel I LOVE those Whose Line videos. "STOP IT WITH THE CAT!"

    I love improv. It's awesome, because there is no way that I could ever do it! Well, I probably could, but I'll leave it to the pros (nursing school is hard enough) :] I remember the first thing Colin and Brad said when the show started:

    "How many of you think that we have scripts or have seen the material before?" (something like that)A few people raised their hands.
    "Well...you all are bastards!"

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    1. P.S. Where can I get one of those shirts??? I LOVE IT!!

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    2. Ha! They said that at the shows I went to too! Loved it! They are the best! I would love to see Ryan and Colin team up again, but I've seen them separately (Colin and Brad and then Whose Live Anyway?)

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    3. Hey, I'm with Kelly. I want one of those shirts! Where can I get one? LOVE IT!!! xoxo

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    4. http://www.secondcity.com/ Guys that is the website for second city Chicago and if you scroll down you will be able to order these cute T-shirts! And yeah Kelly, love the bastards thing too. As Colin says "if we aren't making it up, the why on earth would we bother?". True!

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    5. SOOO getting a shirt near my birthday!!! :D

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    6. Buying that shirt! Thanks for the link! No way I'm waiting for my birthday!

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  11. Deb & Barb, You have no idea how timely this post is for me. Just last night I was recounting stories from my wonderful husband from our days at Mr. Greenjeans, the incredibly busy downtown restaurant where Deb and met so many decades ago...I was speaking not so much the fun times that was working in that parallel universe, though they were many and I laugh to recall them still, rather how I was a worldly-enough 19 year old who showed up to seat customers but instead was treated to an introduction to all of humanity. I realized a short while into the job that the cast of characters that were the people that were employed there was so funny, varied, full-of-life and interesting, I really had seen nothing of the diversity that is the human race prior to the days I spent there. And, as I was explaining to the mid-Westerner that I married, it was a barrage of orientations, nationalities, religions and
    dispositions the likes of which I hadn't, for the most part, considered. To my considerable benefit, I shook off my initial reticence and embraced them all. I said essentially said Yes And...and in the process learned one of my life's most serviceable lessons...that is to say, be open and be tolerant...At least consider the other angle no matter how abhorrent or far-fetched it might initially seem...for that, my friends, is how the real connections are made. For my magnanimous acceptance of all that was thrown my way, I was promptly nicknamed Spike D'Boudoir by all the gay guys, an affectionate reference to my habit of spending those ten hours shifts seating people in my six inch stilettos...

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    1. OH Annette I love this! Memories and the Spike D'Boudoir! Love it. You nailed it Annette, just nailed it. Beautifully said. This is another of the lessons I have had to learn over and over in my life. I am at the point though where I can finally say "I get it!" Even people with points of view that I find narrow and frankly-insane, I have to go "Okay why, where does this come from? What makes them think that?" I may despise their point of view but I defend their right to have it!

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  12. I just love all your insights. And many of you have beautifully summed up how I feel about this. I think the soft, open approach of "yes and" is the most direct path to tolerance and growth. Even if the proposition is heinous. If we don't shut people down, then maybe maybe we can talk through our differences, either changing our own perspective or someone else's. But if we shut people down because they are WRONG, then nobody speaks and nobody grows. Yes And is full of possibilities!

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    1. True Barb....Embracing our differences is the best thing we can do !

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    2. Perfect statement Barb as so many have been today.

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  13. This has been very interesting. I hadn't thought about using the "yes, and" before. I'm going to have to watch for it make an effort to use it.

    On a sad note, Davy Jones of the Monkees has died. Oh! I am so very sad right now.

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    1. I was just going to post that as you said it Molly. Davey is dead. Yes..AND he was a huge chunk of what made my youth fun and sweet and innocent and exciting. This is a very sad day.

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  14. Wow. As if this day needed another reason to be awesome.
    Seriously. It's a snow day here and I got to sleep in, watch an episode of my favourite TV show that I'm never at home to watch, drink my favourite type of tea that I found in the pantry, and now there is a post on here that talks about my favourite thing of all time.
    AND it's Leap Day.
    Anyway. Onwards.
    The whole concept of "yes, and" is fascinating to me. In improv, it's crucial to maintaining the hilarity of the scene, as you pointed out. (So is having absolutely no sense of shame, but that's off subject.) And, also as you pointed out, it's rather handy in life as well. I don't really understand why some people have such difficulty with it - to me, it's just good manners. No one needs to have their opinions trampled. No one likes it either. So why would you say something that could potentially cause a huge rift in your acquaintance when you could merely raise an eyebrow and say "Oh, really?"
    Sure, there are exceptions. There are some things that just cannot be 'yes, and' -ed. But then again, there are exceptions to every rule, are there not? But in the grand order of things, just be polite and shift the conversation if it's an awkward topic.
    Huh. I just 'yes, and' -ed your post. (Do I get a cookie?)

    May your life be interesting,
    Sarah

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    1. Sarah you are so right. When you cannot yes and then polite shifting of the conversation is totally acceptable. I would certainly try to hear a person out but if it is clear that they are blocked and blocking I would simply say "Hey how about those Leafs?". Glad you are having a lovely snow day. Me too. I am not even out of my housecoat.

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    2. I am SOOOOO jealous of your snow. It's 82 here in Houston, and I suspect it will get a few degrees warmer by the end of today. I always say there are two seasons here, Summer and February, but we haven't even had "February" this year. So, to help a girl with menopause out, everybody up north turn on your fans and point them at Houston. I'm sweating. A sweating menopausal woman is like a loaded gun, pointed and cocked, and on the edge of insanity. If you happen to run into me just throw some dark chocolate one way and run as quickly as possible in the other.

      I was raised by "NO" people. I can be a "NO" person as well. I do it and don't realize how it hurts the feelings of the person I'm talking to. Inside my head I have already worked out what works and doesn't work and usually by the time someone submits an idea to me I've already ruled out their solution. I never realized until recently that squashing their ideas was squashing the person as well. I didn't really think their ideas were stupid or meaningless, just not the right solution for my problem. What I wasn't conveying was that I was happy that they wanted to help me, and I wanted them to continue trying to help. I wasn't replying with anything as bad as "that's a stupid idea", or something equally as harsh or degrading. I would usually just say no that wouldn't work, and move on. I was so busy working out the problem in my head that I wouldn't notice that I was deflating their ego balloon. I didn't know how bad it was until my ex husband told me that I always thought he was stupid. Never did I think that, but that was the message I was putting out there when he would suggest things to me. UGH. That realization did not a happy camper make. Since that discussion some 20 yrs ago, I've gotten better at saying thanks but I've thought of that. I'm sure I slip and don't realize it but I'm only human.
      So...YES, those Nazi's sure were snappy dressers, AND those boots were FABulous & all, but man they were some inhospitable folks, eh?

      Hugs & YES's
      Karen

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    3. Karen sending dark chocolate and snowflakes your way. And it's interesting what you say about being a NO person brought up by NO people. We all come from a place of yes or no don't we? And depending on which it is, it can take a year or a lifetime to change. I have worked very hard and very deliberately to change to a yes and person. It's working. Mostly. But mostly is good. I'll take it.

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    4. Deb, I don't know why but, "how about those leafs?" made me laugh so hard! Oh my...

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    5. Sadly I have been saying the same thing since the 60's! No one is more YES AND then Leaf FAns. As in YES...and there is always next year.....

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    6. OH! Maple Leafs!! Right? *duh*

      love, another Bruins fan ;)

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  15. This is one of my favorite improv "rules." It's also my kids' favorite when I "practice" it with them. I think we say "no" a lot of times because we fear where "yes" will lead us.

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    1. Perfect Eileen. We say no because sometimes we fear where yes will lead us. You have totally tapped into my early months at Second City AND the better part of my 20's. Every one of you today has had something fabulous to add. Thanks for this conversation. I have learned more and more about this idea of yes and because of all of you.

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  16. Eileen you are awesome! It is the perfect life game to play with children. Well done MOM!!!

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  17. Again, for some reason Rigel's comment did not show up here so I will copy and paste:Hugs? Yes, please!

    *presents self for snuggling*

    I am a total hugslut!
    Thanks Rigel we can all use hugs! I needed one today! xo

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  18. Okay so now Karen's comment did not post. Here it is! :Deb, I've read recently that if you give yourself an ice cream headache it will take away the migraine. I'm not sure about that but it's worth a try. I get migraines as well and I plan to try it myself next time. I sure hope yours goes away soon, dear. People who, fortunately for them, have never experienced a migraine, don't get how even something as quiet as sipping thru a straw can hurt my head. No noise is acceptable, nor light. Just lock me up in the cold fortress of solitude and go away until I come out. Don't poke the bear. :)

    Hugs and cold compresses,
    Karen

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  19. Thanks Karen, I will try anything. Anything at all. Mister Misty headache we used to call them! I also loved your "don't poke the bear!" Especially a Mama Bear!

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  20. If someday we ever have one of those blog meetup gatherings, how many of us will be wearing red yes and t-shirts? lol

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    1. $26.95 + S&H FOR A T-SHIRT?!?!?!?!? A T-SHIRT?!?!?!?!?!

      Nevermind....

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    2. Oh dear. Did you go on the site? Is that what it costs?

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    3. You're not a big t-shirt buyer, are you, Rigel? That's about average, give or take.

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    4. Deb - Yes. Hence, I've added it to my wist and one of my pinterest boards just for the smile of seeing the image often. But, even if I were filthy rich, I wouldn't spend that much money on a mere t-shirt. *shrugs* I don't begrudge anyone else. It's just not my style to spend that on a t-shirt. A thick, heavy sweatshirt or a good fleece pullover maybe. *shrugs again* It's just a matter of do you know how much yarn or beads or buttons or sequins or felt or embroidery floss or cross stitch fabric or stuffed animals stuffing or quilt batting I could buy for that money?!?!? :D

      Dawn - I have 2 drawers full of t-shirts. Some are really quite awesomely quirky. (Airwolf, Muppets, A-Team, gamer humor, my university, etc.) NONE cost that much bought brand new. Not even when back when I was paying $3 extra per shirt to XXL the size.
      (P.S. It boggles people when I wear my, "+20 Shirt of Smiting" to work. lololol)
      That said, many of my t-shirts were freebies (Air Evac helicopter shirt, March of Dimes walk shirt, Christmas gifts, etc.) or spiffy thrift shop finds.

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  21. I comment on articles posted on the Yahoo news articles, and there is NO sense of tolerance in most of those who also comment. Yes, they are damn fools, and they make me feel a lot better when people agree with me, 'cause I'm more rational.

    Probably not the exact point, but worth a giggle of pride, anyway. :)

    One recent discussion was about tattoos. I have four, which NO ONE on that chat board has ever seen. It's a tough board for "yes and," and far too easy to go "It's all O'Bama's fault!"

    That's a common comment. Seriously.

    I try "yes but" but "yes and" seems to "neutralize" a situation. Turns out I was using it without even realizing it. (That's the best sign you've learned something: You think you're never going to "get" something, then people point out that's exactly what you're doing.)

    ANYWAY, comments leaned more towards, "Tattoos are disgusting/pointless/something you'll regret when you're 90 and it's sagging down to your ankles."

    I could have said, "Yes, but you don't know how anyone else feels about theirs, you're ignorant to judge people based on a tattoo"... etc.


    Instead, I replied, "Yes, they can sag, it may bother you, and they can also remind someone of when they got that tattoo, under what circumstances, who they were with..." etc.

    The responses I got were along the lines of, "I never thought of it that way, and you're right, I do know nice people with tattoos."

    "Yes and..." is a way of selling your idea in such a way that people will respond to it positively.

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    1. Or maybe I've just missed an entire point. If so, I'll just have to watch Colin and Brad work a little more. How convenient that I'll be able to start doing that again in a couple of weeks. :)

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    2. Goodness I can not believe that there are people out there who are still upset about tattoos. An entire generation has them for goodness sake. As far as they will sag some day...yeah well so will our God given parts. But it doesn't take away the joy of the time when they were lookin' fine does it? I don't care that it was off point Dawn. It still spoke to the yes and.

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    3. I'm also not worried about my ankles sagging. But even if they do, I do know I can't lose them, the way I can lose a ticket stub. Loves my autographs. :)

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    4. Oh Dawn I know what you mean re the tattoo judgements. I get the other end of the spectrum thou. I am always seen as at least 3 if not 4 years younger that I actually am. I mean I still get carded at the movie theater! Who gets carded at the movies?! Anyway I have a Winnie the Pooh on my calf and any stranger who sees it immediently criticizes me and most of all my parents! They assume my parents are neglectful or crazy to let a child ( they usually think I am 14 or 15) get a tattoo. I have to wait patiently for them to finish their rant and them proudly tell them I am an adult and as a matter of fact my parnts not only approved but paid for my tattoo!
      I know how you feel being judged for tattoos <3

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  22. I'll be pondering this for a while, holding the concept up to my life and seeing if I follow it, because I want to!
    I've always been thirsty for opinions that are different from mine because chances are the other person knows something I don't or can show me a different way of looking at the same thing. The very least I can get out of it is understanding why they think what they do and why they disagree with me. Valuable information, in my opinion. I've learned a lot.
    I've also always said, as somebody already mentioned, that I would be boresd out of my mind if everybody like the same things and thought the same way. Nnnnngggh. Even briefly thinking about it makes me cringe.
    I think I've taken that in a slight digression from your main point, but don't worry your original concept did stick!
    P.S. Deb you do look cute in the picture - I thought so before I even registered the T-shirt. I didn't notice any puffy eyes or anything :)

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    1. Thanks Aimee, me and my puffy eyes are grateful. I adore that you said you are thirsty for opinions other than your own. YES! That is it. That is the essence of life for which we should all strive!!!!!

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  23. you guys must read the book yes man by Danny Wallace . as he had been saying no a lot he was challenged to say yes to everything for a year by a friend and the book tells the story of what happened . the is a film made of the book too with Jim Carey . i have not seen it though .

    thanks for posting this topic deb and barbara . you have given me a whole new idea on dealing with people especially my mom . sometimes we argue over the most stupid of things . then i think why the heck did i argue with her about that , i should have just agreed!

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    1. Linda it is a perfect method for dealing with Mom's who tend to push the buttons. They feel respected and you avoid yelling or dissing them. Sometimes I think it is so important for the generations to do this. We always think we are the first to think something, the first to do something. We are soooooo not. Yes Man. I will look it up. Thanks LInda!

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    2. oh, I've seen the movie but didn't even realize it was based on a true story. I will have to find it! The film was good.

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  24. They've released the names of the dead and missing in the USCG crash in Mobile last night. I've got to back myself away from thinking about this too much for a while. *sniffle*

    So, Deb, I'm gonna write the silly nonsense that first reading the post this morning triggered.

    The long lost siblings both have the unusual garlic birthmark because they were both born into a hereditary secret society call the Manicotti League. This is a stealth organization made of up a mystically chosen few who are, from the moment they are born, raised up to be an elite, clandestine league of Italian chefs who are vampire slayers. Instead of shooting webs from their wrists like Spiderman, the men of the Manicotti League can shoot incredibly strong string cheese. The women shoot from their wrists super strong spaghetti noodles. They also have the super power of Extreme Mosquito Repulsion. They sharpen the handles of all of their tomato sauce stirring wooden spoons so that they double as vampire killing stakes. Members of the Manicotti League can be summoned by lighting up the night sky with the Salami Signal. Unfortunately, some members of the Manicotti League are genetically predisposed to a grated parmesan cheese addiction, snorting it like cocaine. Sadly, these weakened Manicotti League members sometimes defect and fall under the sway of the evil Feta Alliance. While united by a common purpose, there is a problem some infighting and political maneuvering within the Manicotti League. Since the Great Pesto Schism of 1992, rival leaders have vied for power, dividing allegiances within the League between the Chicago Style Family and the New York Style Family. There are high hopes that the Portabella Summit scheduled for July of 2012 will bring an end to these tensions, allowing all parties to break bread sticks together in peace. Of course, all summit conferences will be held during daylight in order to free up the hours of darkness for slaying nosferatu. Each year, the member of the Manicotti League responsible for the most confirmed vampire kills is awarded the prestigious silver Pepperoni Platter.

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    1. Rigel-The Portabella Summit? Brilliant. This was so great. The great Pesto Schism of 1992? Even the year fit perfectly. Wonderful fun. I read it twice.

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  25. Holy moly, ladies. 97 comments. Nicely done.
    Dont know if you'll ever get to this 98th - but wanted to add that my husband Troy had done a year of improv ( just for fun- he's a musician and producer) and oh how thankful I was that he had that lifeskill when I told him at age 41, while our daughter was in college and son in high school, as we were just about to buy a vacation home and start travelling..."Honey, uh...I'm pregnant."
    He said YES to the scene, and the rest is happy-ever-after.

    Yes, and...is how I get along so well with my writing partner, and how I just spent a very happy year collaborating on a book (which just was sent off to the publisher today- LEAP day!)

    My friends have a plaque on their front door that says, "The House of Yes" - gotta love that.

    and DEB- WHERE CAN I GET THAT SHIRT? Troy would love it.

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  26. The house of YES! Wow love love loving that! and in fairness Hollye, some of the comments are our responses. But it was a great conversation today. Lots of fab insights. Publisher on Leap Day!!!! That is the book of yes. Keeping good thoughts over here!

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  27. Wow I know it is later in the night here, but man this is a popular topic! Over 100 comments : ) No wonder you guys have a blog, you all are just so good at it !
    OK I will be honest, I never heard of this Yes And rule until about a year ago, maybe a little less, when I bought Colin and Brad's improv DVD and watched the behind the scenes bits. They talked about this Yes And ruel on there. So I then went back and watched as many of the Whose Line videos as I could and paid specific attention to find the Yes And rule. Since then when ever I happen to notice someone, be it while doing improv or just in normal evryday life, use the Yes And rule I can't help but think of all you improvers. : ) Makes me smile.

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  28. This is very smart, Deb. I'm going to try it in my marriage-thing.

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    1. Kate I cannot think of a better place for it!

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    2. "YES honey, AND after you've had your way with me, I want you to do those dishes!"
      I'll let you know if it works.
      :)

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  29. Kelly NJ I am glad they spoke of it on their DVD. I didn't realize that they had. And I'm so glad you are using the yes and in life. You are way ahead of us!!!

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  30. I realize this post is over a month old, but it really resonated with me and even though I initially read it because Mr. Mochrie linked it on Twitter or Facebook, I wanted to come back and leave a note.

    My improv experience is mainly amateur, mainly local to the part of Texas where I live (or on the Internet), but a couple of years ago my ComedySportz troupe did an experiment where we tried to live YES AND out loud for a week. This is somewhat easier to do here in the south than in other parts of North America, because people routinely meet your eyes when you interact with them, and generally have "polite" manners, but it was still a really interesting experiment.

    In fact, that experiment led me to write a lay sermon for my local UU church about YES AND specifically, and improv skills in general being the foundation for a happy life.

    You don't know me, obviously, but I think it's important to tell people when something they've written has made an impact. And this post did.

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