Monday, July 23, 2012

Nothing

Deb: In the last few weeks, I’ve had some physical episodes. I will not go into what they were as it doesn’t really matter, but they were alarming and puzzling. I have had problems with stress before and my attempts at channeling it. I am genetically pre-disposed to this stress condition, as my Mom has had many many issues over the years with this very thing. My Mom is a stroke survivor and, in support of this theory, they told her at the hospital that she stroked-out from stress. She had no blockages they could find and no medical issues that would have lead her to such a thing. When she was younger, in her fifties, she had several incidents of hives from stress. She would break out in them and scratch till she bled. I have the same symptom but to a much lesser degree. At one point, my Mom was so covered in hives, so completely covered from head to toe, in her nose and ears and around her eyes, that her face changed shape and she looked like a completely different person. I think this was her form of a nervous breakdown and she was hospitalized. My granny, Mom’s Mom, had a complete nervous breakdown when she was the same ballpark of age.

So this legacy of unpasteurized stress is my cross to bear. But I have had advantages and resources to call upon that Mom and Granny did not have. For one, I knew this years ago and started to do something about it. Actually, many things about it. Some major and some minor things. I know that I have reduced my stress level by leaps and bounds, but every once in a while...

As most of you know it has been a painful period of time for me regards my parents and their ever-changing condition. I get upset and feel pushed and pulled, confused and challenged, but I always come home and chill with some wine and some husband and some good food and movies. I am very good at knowing when I have hit bottom. But lately, although I have been carving out some time for me, I have still found myself facing some odd and very new symptoms. Then I realized that it is not just about taking the time out of a busy and stressful day, it is about channeling the sadness and pain that my parents situation brings, and that is not as easy. I realize now that the sadness I feel has latched onto my heart and my psyche and it is silently doing its damage. And that doesn’t go away just with a nap or a quiet glass of wine on the deck. So here is what I decided to do these last few weeks.

NOTHING.

I have given myself permission to just do nothing. And by nothing I don’t mean stare in a catatonic state out the window. But to really just hang out. Life of course goes on so in the day there are a few calls that I must make and a few errands that must be done but other than that, I am sitting and reading and playing with the pups. I am enjoying the garden and floating in the pool. I know this might sound like no big deal to some of you, but for the likes of me to do nothing is like nothing I have ever done before. Not in my home. Not unless I am a guest at a cottage or that type of thing. And even then.

I implemented a new scheme in my life.  I get up, make breakfast, sit outside, and read my book. First. I have NEVER done this before. I will read my book and then if I have time I will get to the newspaper, and maybe if I have some more time I will “visit” Facebook. But I really wanted to read my books. And my feeling was, if the day gets away from me, then at least I am comforted to know that I have read for an hour in the morning. A dear friend said to me when I told her of my plan, “Be careful you don’t become obsessed with this plan, forcing yourself no matter what comes to read and then be disappointed if you don’t. You know how we are!” I assured her that so far that was not happening, but I knew what she meant. The not doing is not in her nature and it is not in mine. So I thought, “Wow, am I forcing myself to relax?” In my panic to become stress-free, am I panicking? In the midst of panicky panic and counter panic and non-panic tactics, how does one tell?

So I just really took a dramatic step back from the every day of it, the do of it, the on top of it. And I fell into the do-nothing and when I landed, I did not struggle and scrape to get up. I laid back literally and figuratively and gave myself this gift. Gave it with love, and then, rather than open this gift, I just stared at it, all wrapped up knowing that I already knew what was inside and didn’t even have to open it. As a result, this de-stressing has become a lovely lovely habit that I am not ready to quit.

I am normally the woman who cannot read a magazine in the middle of the day lest I feel guilty. But no more. Hart made a comment in a blog last week about North American society and the fact that we cannot just give ourselves a break. We cannot just let go and take holidays and time off in the middle of a stressful day without being wracked with guilt. Hart was right and I am a very bad offender. The guilt stacks up in my body so high that I sometimes feel I am choking on it. Nobody is doing this to me. I am doing this to myself. And it must stop. And I am working on it. Or rather I am anti-working on it. At the risk of sounding like a drama queen, my life may one day depend upon it.

Barbara: You are so not a drama queen, Deb. So very far from it, in fact, that I am beyond relieved to hear that you have found a concerted and gentle plan to de-stress and cope with what is, for all intents and purposes, one of life’s seriously difficult life-challenges. Thanks so much for your honesty through this—and by that I mean, for the honesty with yourself that then coalesces into honesty with us. Because we all go through these times, we just don’t always recognize the absolute need for our own concerted coping strategies. We really do have to step back from the muck from time to time, guilt-free and bravely, if we’re ever going to survive the serious and heavy-duty business of emotional muck-racking. All our lives depend upon it!

69 comments:

  1. Aww Deb you are soooooo not a drama queen!!
    Seriously, I feel good that you found a way to release your stress. I know what you mean sometimes we are so hard on ourselves than we are on everything else put together. Its because we take ourselves for granted. We feel that we HAVE to do the right thing. We CANNOT make mistakes. I know it coz I do it all the time. But I turn around eventually and be my lazy self again. Ive started giving myself a break. I tend to be all or nothing. And the good thing is, I enjoy slogging my ass to meet the deadlines and also sleeping until noon and watching cartoons all day. (My mom hates it. But hey, my life, MY RULES!)


    (And..I'm about to give a big speech, so feel free to skip it!)

    Deb you know that we are more than just a physical body, We are an eternal soul in a physical body. So when you do feel guilty just say, "My body has done so much for me, it deserves some days off!". I know you are not the someone who would just leave everything and take a few days off. But What if you start to give yourself a break? What if you just want to get in your car and drive until you get tired? What if you want to just disconnect the phones hide the laptops and spend time with your husband? DO IT! Honey you are on what I think is the BEST segment of LIFE. You have EVERYTHING YOU WANT. And You have the ability to DO WHAT YOU WANT!!!
    And you did it , for a while, BUT YOU DID IT! Spending a day to just...BE. Just let it unfold the way it wants. Releasing everything and enjoying every moment. Hmmmmmm, Feels good doesnt it?
    See guilt only comes when you make sticking to your principles a crucial thing. Once you start releasing the control, guilt will go away soon.

    Ive done it before I enter my stress phase. (although Ive had a lotta stress in the last 10 years! emotional and health wise). Ive already decided that I'm not going to anything because I HAVE to do it. I will do it only if I WANT to do it! And Thats the best decision Ive ever made.

    And We all need to start forgiving ourselves, coz Lemme tell ya something. We have to live with ourselves and if we are guilty because we are doing something we shouldnt be doing and we are not ready to let ourselves off the hook, we cant live with ourselves and be happy at the same time!---Fhew... (Try saying that three times) and I hope you got it coz I didnt.

    Oh and Why dont you start meditating again? That will definitely keep your stress levels down. In fact werent you gonna start doing it again?

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    1. Thanks Shalaka, inspiring and helpful and yes you are right! The meditation is not happening. I talk about it, I think about it and then I don't do it. Did it once last week. Really? why the hell did I bother? Yes. I will find my way back to it. It's gifts are endless. Thank you.

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    2. LOL, Who am I to talk? I do that too, havent meditated for 2 months now. Ive got a healer friend who keeps telling me, "meditate it'll help you to connect and heal" but... I FORGET! Every morning I go "TODAY I'M GOING TO MEDITATE" and the same evening I'm like "Eehhh, MAYBE TOMORROW!".

      That is true, the gifts are ENDLESS!!! Funny that we both believe it and yet go back to our NON-MEDITATING lives!!!

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  2. Deb, i hope you find something,that will find that will,help you get all,your stress. I get stresses alot as well,and end up getting bad migrains. Deb you should try this aromatherepy for stress. I love this stuff. Its this stuff that can use as a room spray or in body loction. It works for me, it might be worth giving it a try. If that dont work you can always do what my grandfather told me to do. Relax and drink honey in your coffee. He said that was good for.stress plus its just really good..

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    1. Lyndsie you are so right. Aromatherapy is wonderful. I do have a spray that I put on my pillow every night. But I remember during menopause (queen of the stresses) that I used different relaxing aromas on my pulse points. I think I will get on that again, thanks. Tougher in the heat though. Don't want bee stings! I'll work around that.

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    2. Awww Yes Aroma therapy is just...DIVINE!! ... Aww I used it for a while, I know this masseuse who helped me out when my medication (princess of stresses!) was causing me joint pains..all around.And I mean it...ya know there was a point when my ring finger was hurting too! Yep, tough in heat but I just couldnt let go...I'm going this week for a massage! Hmmm...I could just DIE THERE!

      Ahhh and Deb what spray is it? I mean which oil ???

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    3. PS ladies, I am a new convert to lavender essential oil as bug repellent. Instead of attracting bees, it repels them! Especially mosquitoes. I took the oil to the islands last month and dripped a few drops into my palm and then rubbed it on my bare skin. Yup, no bites! (or rather, only on the nights I didn't remember to put it on) And it stress-relieving!

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    4. Really???? Ha! So cool. I was just gonna say "I just have lavender oil. But I dont know its uses."
      This is awesome. I'm gonna try that. Thanks Barb!!

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  3. Sometimes I have to do that too. Force myself to just take it easy and let God and other people around me take the reigns. I'm trying to do this now...been having a rather frustrating morning trying to reach my landlord for repairs in my apartment that have needed to be done for about a month. And another one pops up this morning. Though I feel I'm at my wit's end I'm just giving it up and letting God take control.

    I apologize and I don't mean to preach or offend anyone. And now I have lost my train of thought. I suppose it happens :/

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  4. Kelly that's fine, don't STRESS about it! (see what i did there? ;-) And I am lucky in that regard because my husband always takes over.

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  5. thank you both for this blog. i so desperately needed toy read it! THANK YOU for sharing it, for experiencing it, sharing your struggle and sharing your solution. all my love & gratitude. amy

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    1. Thanks so much Amy! I am so glad it resonated with you. I will take that love! Thanks Amy

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    2. I did see what you did there. :]

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  6. I'm kind of the flip side of the coin on this one. Having CFS means that I get stressed BECAUSE I'm doing nothing, and I hate being forced to limit myself so much. But, yes, it's hard not to get stressed in this fast-paced world we live in, especially when the worries pile up. I'm glad you've stepped away from it and allowed yourself to let go. I find that simple pleasures often bring the most joy. Take care of yourself. {hugs}

    P.S. I was always told that meditation was the best way to de-stress, but I get distracted far too easily!

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    1. Ha! me too... But Someone told me if in 15min meditation you were concentrated for 2 or 3 mins, even if its scattered around in those 15mins, its enough to de-stress you!

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    2. Really? Oh good, I'm not a complete failure then!

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    3. LOL me too!! I get focused for a few minutes. And Ya know what once you get used to it, your focus increases.

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    4. Thanks Roz I appreciate the point of view. I know that I must get back into mediation, and I will. What Shalaka says is true-the more you get used to it, the better your focus is. And in T.M. they tell you not to worry about the focus, just let it drift and then when you find yourself drifting, just gently bring your mantra in again. Good luck. Let me know how it goes if you try it.

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    5. Yes, me too! And also... when any thought enters your head dont push against it. Just breathe it out. Release. OR There is something that helped me. Just observe your thought, innocently, without judging or pushing against it. Just observe it like you're watching a movie.. Soon it will dissipate on its own and you'll be focused again :) GOOD LUCK! And its easy..you'll be fine :) Yes, Deb you have a mantra right? that is so cool. Roz you can use any affirmations. Ive got loads! Lemme know if you want them :)

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  7. good for you Deb, truly not easy to recognize let alone be pro active. I am a bit obsessive. lets call me an obsessor. when I say to my husband I am obsessing he says " recognition is the first step in letting go". He always reminds me that there is no other moment than the present and it helps. that and yoga.xoxo
    denny

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    1. Thanks Denny. Yes if only I could live in the moment. The Scottish gets the best of me I'm afraid.

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  8. thank you for writing that Deb . what you are going through reminds me of my mom so much . you know both my parents are very ill right now . dad 5 weeks ago tomorrow dad had a silent stroke and as a result has vascular dementia in the memory centre of his brain , and last January mom got cancer . combine all that with the fact my mom has always been a non stop stresser and worrier . she would worry and stress about having nothing to worry and stress about , also she is the type of person that thinks she must be out of bed early working in the house with a full face of perfect make up on . I would love to know anyone's opinion on how to calm down a woman who , when i ask her about why she worries about things she can't control so much , tells me it is something she has always done and that she is too old to change . we are also starting to deal with the financial and legal ramifications of Dads illness which is not doing much for mom and her stress levels nor mine for that matter .
    the doctors in her chemo unit have even prescribed her xanax . normally i wouldn't be to happy about mom on a anti depressant as normally mom is not depressed but i don't grudge her taking them now she is on so much other medication for cancer .

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    1. Awww Sweetie, I'm so sorry. I hope everything works out soon... Lots of Love and healing light to you and your family.
      I do have something that might work. Its called EFT. Its a tapping method, where you tap on certain points on your body and say affirmations. Surprisingly it works.
      See, I think I know few methods of Law of attraction that might work. I can tell you if you are interested. Just let me know.

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    2. Linda, I understand what you are going through to some point. My grandmother had a massive stroke about 3 years ago and it changed everything.
      For your mom, I don't know what to say to help. Maybe she feels like she has to keep busy. Sometimes those that are suffering need to feel like they are needed, if that makes any sense. Maybe take her out for a special day, just the 2 of you. Eat at her favorite place, do some shopping, see a movie, whatever you know she would enjoy. Give her a special day with you and you might be surprised how much it might help her.
      All the best to you and your parents.

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    3. Linda my goodness, you have such a sad plateful right now. As you can imagine I do not know what to say to help you except for what I am doing, and I don't mean NOTHING, I mean just keep trying what's best for you and your family. Shalaka and Steph have given great suggestions that might help you. Good luck with all of it. I am sending you peace.

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    4. Its gonna be ok sweetie. We are all here for you. :) xoxo

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    5. All this said, Linda, I really think that it's important that you find and nurture the things YOU can do for YOU that turn you off the stress from time to time. You can't change your mom, but you can change your own coping strategies (if you need to!)...

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  9. Channeling those emotions and stress is easier said than done! I agree that meditation is great, but like so many others, it's easy to procrastinate 'til the cows come home. One easy thing I do that helps a bit is focus on my breathing and do some deep breathing. Those emotions carry so much energy and we have to keep it flowing or else! Barb says you're so not a drama queen, so maybe you need to be a drama queen for a day. : )

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    1. Thanks Eileen, I do work out 6 days a week and I can feel it reduce my stress each time I do it. I love my stretch period and I breath into that but maybe as you say, noticing my breath might help and I will try. Thanks.

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  10. I give my vote for meditation as well! I don't practice it that much myself, but lets just say that I have spent a fare share of time sitting at the airport waiting for the next flight doing nothig. Also the breathing is sooo important. I have tried to explain it to my friends, but so far they are just making fun of it. Oh, well hopefully they will try it when they need it the most.

    I think I have an inbuilt stress valve that releasess stress while I am asleep. This topic remined me of the dream I saw last night. I was at someone's home (don't know whose) and there were lots of friends there. I was trying to get things moving along and some order as there was little bit hassle there. I could feel the stress build up in my dream as no-one listened to me. So when I reached the melting point, I just screamed as loudly and long as I could. I just hope that I did not actually scream (poor neighbors). But I felt wonderful when I woke up ;)

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    1. Wow what a dream Kasku! I think between yours and some of the other responses, the universe is sending me a message. Meditate. it is a good message. Hope I'm listening!

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  11. Sending you big LoVe, beauty. I too was once a "do it all girl"... i retired.

    12 years ago Bradley and i decided that i was not going to work anymore. So i closed up shop, and dedicated myself to our LoVing, happy, sexy, relationship. Although it was (at that time) one of the craziest ideas that (in my mind) WAS NOT GOING TO WORK... i was humbly reminded daily, that i knew nothing.... and so the magic happened!

    BEST THING we did for our relationship. BEST thing i did for myself!

    So happy you have found your "Morning cup of GoodNess"... The awareness you have will allow your acceptance to trasform you. Surrender is KEY. Sounds like you are on the right path. And what an amazing, safe, loving place you have created in your life to be swallowed up by support and LoVe! Your courage to share so vulnerably is a ripple of LoVe that keeps on giving.

    I LoVe you.

    xoxoxo
    Seana

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    1. Thanks Seana, that was so smart of you. I do love my work, when I work. It's the other stuff that kills me! :-)
      xo

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  12. About 10 years ago I started to relax. I can now lay in bed all day reading and writing and commenting on the internet. It took time to slow down and let things go. Eventually it worked and now I become stressed if I don't do anything for a few days and think am I depressed, blah or just relaxed. Life is full of anxiety and we all must find stresser reducers. Movies usually make the difference for me. I go and just sit and watch and relax.

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  13. Deb, I, of course left out the part about you. I hope you continue to find your stress reduced. We don't want something like a stroke to make you relax. Glad you are being proactive. Breathe and count your breathes, it always works.

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    1. Thanks Madge, another great tip. And I love your little story of relaxing Madge.

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  14. Oh thank you so very much for this humble and beautiful post. I have lived through a long patch of years of my and my husband's mother's declines and passing and know the stress. I learned from a friend how to write myself a 'Hall Pass' to do nothing, skip a meeting, forgo a potluck or some social thing that would just complicate my day. And, my husband has learned to write me 'Hall Passes'- in case you don't know, these are releases for a high schooler to walk the school halls during a class time to visit a counselor or do homework in the library or leave for an appointment...it is something that allows you to move freely when you might otherwise be committed. Sounds like you are giving yourself a 'Hall Pass' every time you sit outside to read your book in the morning. I will be sending you love from here on, Yours, Suzi

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    1. Suzi this is so great. A hall pass! Oh yes I do remember hall passes. I think though that most of mine were taken without permission!!! But I love the idea of giving myself a hall pass!

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  15. Deb,

    I believe there are so many different ways stress can attack us. The stresses of our daily life have the potential to snowball and roll down the mountain before we ever realized it was snowing. The stress of knowing a storm is coming can be just as stressful. The ANTICIPATION of things can drive us equally crazy. Then there's... let's say it rained, and then the temperature dropped overnight. The ice developed overnight, too, and is wearing away the safety you when it was just the puddle.

    Since there are several different ways stress can appear, I think we have to deal with them in different ways. One suggestion I have for you, Deb, is to celebrate your birthday more than one day a year. You told us of the relaxing happy day you had this year. You should allow yourself more of those, more of your "special" days. This would be when the ice has built up and is wearing you down, because this one is the most consistent. This stress is always underlying, and you want to keep it under control as much as possible.

    The snowball stress is such a sudden hit of something small that turned HUGE that
    I think we go into "JUST DO IT" mode, not realizing how much it SUCKED the energy out of you until it's over. That's the time perhaps deep breathing, the yoga, can allow the release of the stress, sort of "heal" it.

    The anticipation of a stressful event can be the worst, because we tend to build up all this "AAAAAAUUUGGGGHHHH" in our head before anything has actually happened. This is one of the subjects I've worked with in various therapy environments. We can turn "This is gonna SUCK" into, "Well, it might suck. Now, what can I do to build up a safety net so I'm not as stressed out." Literally write it down. What Could Suck What Else Could Happen How Can I Deal With Each Outcome.
    Preparing yourself before you go into the situation can help reduce the stress caused by worry.

    (BELIEVE me, when I first started learning about this idea, I thought it was the biggest load of Bullshit I had EVER heard of. The best way to convince yourself otherwise is to try it. Only experience and time (that occasionally horrible enemy) can help you realize it can be helpful.)

    I wish you peace and comfort, and the strength to more easily handle whatever comes your way.

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    1. The Columns are "WHAT COULD SUCK," "WHAT ELSE COULD HAPPEN," "HOW CAN I DEAL WITH EACH POSSIBLE OUTCOME."

      These columns didn't come out separately in my response, so I hope this will separate them better here.

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    2. Dawn what a brilliant suggestion. All of them. Celebrate my birthday many times a year, as in give myself "a hall pass" as Suzi says to do nothing. I love that idea. And the anticipation of stress, YES! You said a mouthful there. I work so hard on that. Colin always helps. His strategy is, don't go there till you have to. And I have learned this from him. But it is not a perfect thing yet. I am going to use this wonderful idea and keep it close by. It is so true isn't it? Why go there twice?

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    3. I feel I wasn't clear so I am adding to my response. The last couple of sentences referred to the idea of "what else could suck?" etc. Love this. Have written it down on a piece of paper for reference. Actual paper.

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    4. Deb, ideally, it's not supposed to be "What else could suck?" It's more "Well, what are the other options?" As in, "What are the other possibilities?," the example being, Well, it could turn out to NOT suck. Don't read the doom into everything before you know it. Leave room for a good possible outcome.

      Geez, listen to me talking about not reading the doom into everything. Sometimes I don't recognize myself. :D

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    5. Sorry I didn't clarity that "What else could happen?" statement in my post. LOL

      It isn't an automatic "Yeah, that'll make everything all better!" It's a group of coping skills.

      If you need an IMMEDIATE "get me the hell out NOW" "STOP" idea, here are a couple that work for me. One is to run cold water over the inside of your wrists. That'll get your attention.

      The other thing that works is to take inventory of everything around me. Chair, desk, table, pen, computer, dog, Colin, window.... just start listing off WHAT YOU SEE. If your mind wanders, just state what you're looking at and get yourself back into the naming.
      It could also be as simple as having a mint. I like peppermint because it's sort of "Sharp," like a cold breeze. Anything that can grab your attention quickly.

      These are called "quick calms." They're meant specifically to get your mind off what's bugging you for a few minutes. It's an alternative to deep-breathing, which I HATE.
      I do hope you find what works best. x

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    6. Yeah, this is brilliant, Dawn. So precise and lean and clearly has the potential for being utterly effective. Thank you!

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  16. hi deb read you blog all the time it has made me laugh and made me cry and has brought back some great great memories i have been thought a great deal of stress in my life first i lost my beautiful 17 year old son to suicide than my wonderful father passed away and my lovely mom people always ask how to you do it i would of gone crazy by now. and watching my son everyday go thought his sickness before he took his beautiful life . Believe me when i say it was the hardest thing i have every had to go though but i made it without pills and doctors
    . First i would cry and talk to friends then i found that didnt help because as much as they tried to help they just didnt understand the feelin of losing a child so i said enough donna when i am feelin really stress out i put on some bob marley listen to him for hours i have a good cry and come to realize
    he is happy with my granny grandpa and dad n mom deb the point i am trying to make found your space scream cry and yell y me and with the grace of god trust me you will feel better it works for me hon just take one day at a time and everything will come together trust me i still have my days but not as bad anymore good old bob marley hon just found your alone space from the world and let go it is ok
    take care deb
    as mr marley said in his song everything is going to be alright
    donna

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    1. Donna it breaks my heart to think how it still must kill you. You sound like you are doing the best you can and that to a degree (as much as any parent can cope with that loss) you are coping. Soon as I read your response I went to my iPod and put on Bob. And you were right 'because every little thing is gonna be alright". Because it has to be. Because we who are left behind are alive. And it is our instinctive job to go on living. So why not make it the best life we can. Peace to you hon.

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  17. Ok Deb I read the blog today real quick on my Ipod and knew I had to get on my computer and respond ASAP! I understand what your are going through because I have been there.
    I also have the genetic factor re stress. My mom can easily just burst into tears when the traffic becomes too much and too crazy, which happens often here in Jersey. My Gram is also prone to being way too stressed out.
    Unlike you, I didn't know to protect myself from the srtess so I didn't even know I was getting stressed out until it was too late.
    I will shorten the story and leave out the many events leading to this, but in the end I ended up in the hospital. Notlike mental hospital for stress but , like full blown , ride to the ER in an ambulance, Hospital. I hyperventilated and my oxygen levels in my body were really screwed up. Dangerously screwed up. I was told that if this happened again that I would be forced into therapy and forced to talk to someone like a therapist. I a not keen at all on talking to someone to solve my problems so I was trying vey hard to fix me, by myself.
    So I quit the things that were causing me so much stress. Like you are just doing nothing, I also removed my self from the stess completely. I understand some situations cant be ignored, like parents. So I wil tell you also that I turned to comedy. You know that saying Laughter is the best Mdicine? Well I think it has some truth to it. I felt so much better if I just took an hour or two before bed each night and laughed and smiled until I cried. It is amazing how much his helped me. It was a relief that I lookd forward to each night and it clared my mind which in turn heled me sleep better too!
    Now just find something that you know will make you laugh! I will admit....I watched porbably every whose line video on youtube (thank you colin!), and watched stand up routines from Ellen and any one else I could get my hands on. I even strted wathing some of the late night shows just for the comedy aspect.
    Now I was also depressed at the time so that was there as well playing into my woes. But around this time I started learning sign language just to keep my braing busy and occupied. If I wasnt thinking of the stress than I was good. So learn something new to keep your mind busy.
    I am telling you just makinng yoursef sit down at the end of the day or as often as you can is a help. Find something that makes you laugh and then laugh until you cry. And then learn something new. And then go back to laughing until you cry. That is my recipe for beating stress. Hope it works for you.
    Wishing you the best <3

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    1. Kelly this is quite a story and as you might guess I can relate to this as I have always worried that something like this is going to happen to me. Your strength is amazing and I know how hard it is to quit some things that you like or even love, to save yourself and it sounds like you did just that. And yes I am all over the laughter. Lots of that in my house. The greatest healer of them all I think. One wonders why I haven't just knocked it away. Thanks so much for sharing this Kelly. May you continue to find what works for you.

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  18. After I graduated from college and stopped being so involved in all the school junk (papers, tests, work, homework, etc), I got my job and would come home and wonder what I had to do for the evening. Most of the time nowadays...it's NOTHING!!!! NOTHING to worry about. It took me forever to get into that mindset of coming home and just...being. Still working on it, I guess.

    My bestest friend, I love her to death, but she stresses over EVERYTHING! Seriously. She is so into her grades and college and stuff that whenever she takes a test, she goes through this meticulous calculation scheme to figure out the minimum score she needed in order to still pass the class! It's crazy! It drives me crazy just thinking about it!

    I heard on the radio today that life is easier when you worry less and pray more. Or meditate more. Or breathe more. Whatever. :)

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    1. Wow, you best friend sounds just like me! :)

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    2. Yes Holly, I have been your best friend. Slowly thawing her out over the years. Good advise on the radio today. Maybe all three would be great.

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  19. Oh Deb, please take time for Deb, to relax, to read, to just be. I stress all the time. Between classes, work, and family, I never seem to be able to just stop and be. Since I have to read so much for my area of study, sometimes reading to relax doesn't happen. If I try to read something off one of my personal bookcases that doesn't have anything to do with a class, then I feel guilty, so I grab a book for class and read, but that isn't really relaxing since I have to read so deeply into the book, not just a general joy reading of it.
    Best of luck on relaxing and reducing the stress, Deb! xoxo

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    1. Thanks Steph. About to go to a beach house for a week. I'm thinking that might help a bit!

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  20. Deb we have the same thing in our family: levels of stress that lead to physical ailments. And of course it worsens any health problems you may already have. It is so hard to let go and look after yourself. For a while I found it hard to admit that I needed to take better care, it felt like weakness. The truth is that I had to accept that I am not superwoman like social pressures demand us to be. It took a long time to master "me time" and that challenge is ever increased as health conditions worsen and life gets in the way, but it's possible to stay on top and achieve things while maintaining ourselves enough to actually enjoy what we've achieved.
    I'm so glad you've found a system that works for you, and I hope your physical episodes quickly learn to run and hide =)

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  21. Aimee I confess that I struggled for a long time with admitting it was doing that to me so I can relate to you. It really is true what they say about everything isn't it? Admitting it is the beginning of conquering it. I see you can relate and I wish the same to you-that you find your system.

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  22. I so relate to the stressing about un-stressing. Its crazy when I think about it, here i want to do something that is healthy and needed and then i freak out about the do-ing of it. Totally wreaking the healthy benefits that were needed in the first place. Perhaps this is our unconscious way of dealing with the guilt of taking care of ourselves. Sigh. Thanks for you honest sharing. Its wonderful when you find that someone else deals with similar troubles, not that I'm happy anyone's suffering. Just that I'm comforted that I'm not as different from others as i may think when I'm down. :)

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    1. I freak out about the doing of it. That's it. Sad but true. So my thing is, let's stop doing that. Let's make it okay. Let's go European!

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  23. I'm so glad you shared this, Deb. Sometimes it's hard to admit that I can't handle it all. And the harder I try to keep my grip, the less in control I feel.

    Taking a break, GIVING yourself a break is such a smart thing to do. If we don't take care of ourselves, we're eventually not much help for anyone else either.

    You are setting a great example.

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    1. Thanks Lisa. Ironically I may be setting the example of not always being able to set the example. Or, not even close. But that's fine because each time is pushing my closer to the doing of it. Which is good.

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  24. All of your comments have really given me peace and calm today. Thank you all for sharing these stories. Like Anon says above, it is comforting to know we all struggle with these same essential things. And that we can all jump on the blog-wagon (tee-hee) and help each other with coping strategies.

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  25. Deb I know Exactly what you are saying. Guilt is a snake eating its own tail and not worth the merest glance toward - lest you start feeling guilty about feeling guilty or worse - about NOT feeling guilty!

    I have learned one true lesson in my life and it is this: When we do what is best for ourselves, ultimately it can only be best for everyone else around us. That can be pretty tough in the moment by eventually, those we love can only benefit from us honouring ourselves. So you read that book, paddle in pool and revel in every moment of it. We have plenty of things to deal with and need those down times to sustain us.

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    1. I love that Fran. "When we do what is best for ourselves, ultimately it can only be best for everyone else around us." Not always the easiest choice. But a good choice.

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  26. In my experience the most important thing you can do is to mentally give yourself a break, so I'm glad you've been trying to do that.
    The women in my family tend to suffer from stress-related physical problems too- in my most stressful times I can get auto-immune problems, hives, dermatitis, headaches, twitches, panic attacks, and lose so much hair I get bald spots. So not pretty!! In the last decade, and especially the last few years of dealing with my mums illness, I've tried to develop coping techniques to stop it from getting that bad. Yoga is amazing (if you can force yourself to do it!), and I find that taking the extra time to have a good diet really helps me. Im vegetarian already, but when I can I try to eat heaps of organic fruits/veg, no artificial colourings/flavouring/anything, no white sugar, and minimal dairy. It sounds crazy but it really does calm down your mind and body!

    I hope you enjoy your nothing time and it helps you recover. Sounds like you really deserve a break!

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    1. Thanks Samara for the tips. I have an excellent diet which is great. Yoga I have tried long ago but I will give it another shot. Perhaps it's time, thank you. I see you can relate. Take care of you too!

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  27. You're not a drama queen at all. I understand that you are under a lot of pressure and have to endure much stress.

    I'm a person, who cannot shut these things off. Would like to close the door, and lock it...but doesn't happen for me. Somehow I manage to pull through.

    I guess what helps me are these little things that I just do for myself.
    Take a walk, go swimming, write, take some pics, watch a butterfly, enjoy the sun (if it's shining...), a warm breeze, read a book, eat ice cream, jump on my trampoline...

    I'm not a fan of yoga or meditation...it's as if you have to relax NOW. And that doesn't work. =)

    I like your idea of your new morning "routine". And to the do nothing, I would add: think of nothing.

    Take care, Deb. xoxo

    P.S. This morning there was an article in our newspaper about a young woman, who thought of meeting her younger self. Sounds familiar? ;) Maybe she's a reader of your blog, too. *gg*

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  28. Becki you have lovely ways of coping. I do love watching a butterfly. So many in our yard this year it has been easy. Thanks Becki!

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