Friday, July 27, 2012

The Country Of Your Heart

Deb: My grandparents came to Canada from Scotland in 1927 when my Mom was six months old. Grampa embraced his new country and all it had to offer. Despite a struggle in the early years of the depression, he became, legally and emotionally, a Canadian. My Granny on the other hand was a landed immigrant who never really landed here. Her body walked on Canadian soil, her other children were born here, but her heart remained forever in Scotland until the day she died at ninety-four.

My dad was similar in some ways to Granny for a while. He was born and raised his first ten years in Maple Heights, Ohio, and during his teens he moved to NYC and worked on the tugboats in the harbour. Then he moved to Canada and, although he loved it, it could not replace for him all that the United States was. And that tie was made stronger over the years as he romanticized everything about America. I really don’t think to this day that he truly feels Canadian. It was years before he took out his citizenship and even then, it was mainly so he could exercise his right to vote. He loves Canada, but his heart is American, steeped in the politics and the history. Dad is an American Civil War buff and an expert on the old west. He loves American literature and American poetry and has volumes and volumes of all of the above on his bookshelves.

Yet this proud Eagle managed to raise two very Canadian kids whose pride in the Maple Leaf Forever knows no bounds. I have always been a lover of Americans and fascinated with the culture and the history. I could live in New York City in a New York second, and likely will at some point as it is a shared dream of my husband’s and mine. I could also live in London, England, and hopefully will as well. At least, these are our dreams! And if we get to fulfill these dreams, I know it will be the time of our lives, this time of living in two cities, in two countries we love. But for me, Canada will remain the country of my heart.

The boy, for his part, is American-born with a landed immigrant status in Canada. He was born in L.A. and moved to Canada when he was almost three. He chose to go to school in NYC and loved every single second of it. He is proud to be American-born and proud of that tie with his Papa, but after school was over, he wanted to come back to Canada to start his career. We were a little surprised, as we assumed once he had done the Apple for some time, he would never come back. Turns out, this is the country of his heart.

My husband on the other hand, refers to himself as a man without a country, a man without a city. He claims he could live almost anywhere and I think that is true of him. He is proud of his Scottish heritage and he loves Canada, often defending it when need arises, but he could also happily live in London or New York forever at this point in his life, I think. His parents came to Canada from Scotland when Colin was just six. Both his mom and dad fell in love with their new country and, although they kept many Scottish traditions, this became the country of their heart. More Dad than Mum I think, truth be told.

We were away with dear friends this past weekend and we started this discussion around “were you born where you belong or were you transferred to where you belong?”

Do you live in the place of your heart or are you still searching?

Barbara: SUCH an interesting question, Deb! I love Toronto, I really do. Especially since it’s a city that is maturing in all the ways that resonate for me: its culinary, arts, neighbourhood, and green-space/Lake Ontario gifts just keep getting better and better every year.

That said, if I were to honestly answer your question, I am not tied to one place, and Phil and I have often imagined living somewhere else. I feel my greatest connection is to a great vista of water. I would love to live on the ocean. I also love the mountains. I was born in Vancouver and, in many ways, it is probably my ideal setting—but I worry about the rain, rain, rain. I would love the chance to explore different homes in the not-too-distant future: NYC, for sure; San Fran (and surrounding area); the south of France; a serene Japanese countryside. Yeah, I have no strong need to stay here forever, although I do believe I will always always BE and FEEL Canadian.

58 comments:

  1. My father was born in New York and spent his summers in PEI with his cousins and fell in love with Canada. When he was 18 he joined the Air Force and fought overseas.....he was called "Canada's Yank" He became the most decorated Wing Commander for Canada in the 2nd "World War" (you can google him George Clinton Keefer) I am so proud of him. My mother grew up in Calgary and then moved to Montreal and became Woman's Editor of CJAD in Montreal. That is where they met and where we grew up as a family. I have three sisters and I am the only one left in Toronto. One lives in a log house on a lake in the interior of BC, One lives in a log house (soon to become a B&B) in the woods in Stirling and the youngest lives on a farm in Madoc near Tweed. I could also easily live in the country and it is a dream of mine, but I know my time in the city is not yet over. I have been in Toronto since 1978 but could easily live elsewhere, this is just where I make my living. Things to look forward to, and in the meantime I enjoy this wonderful city and all it has to offer.

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  2. Canada's Yank. I love that Jo. Great story. And from what you said I see that the "country" is the country of your heart!

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  3. I am definately still searching my own place. I have moved 18 times so far and few more are just around the corner (so if you ask me this time next year it will be 20). Compared to my dad who has moved three times (out of which one was to neighboring appartment). All in one city. He did a tour with UN, but I am not counting that in nor do I count the time he spent in the army. If he had had a bit more luck he wouldn't have moved at all. My dad's mom had to move away from the war zone and was sent as a war child to Sweden. She did return to her second home for a while before marrying my grandad. My grandad has lived his whole life in the same place. My other grandparents have moved a bit more, because my grandad (from mothers side) worked for the railway company and he changed the location few times. All in Finland.

    I don't know how many times my mother has moved as I have lost the count. Also it doesn't help when she doesn't inform of her new address or phone number. But this thing with moving often is definately something that I got from her. I have been to Florida, US and Grenada for a year (each). In Finland I have lived north and south, east and west(ish). I prefer the karelian area, but don't see myself living there any time soon or ever. My family already knows that I will be able to stay put for 3 years, but then I have to move. I just can't stand being put in one place too long.

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  4. Interesting Kasku, so you are somewhat like Colin, a woman without a country so to speak, a global woman!

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    1. Indeed :) I am yet to travel to Australia and that part of the world. Maybe one day. But yeah, there is no tying me down :))

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  5. I could TOTALLY live in Scotland. I feel in love with it. I grew up in southeastern Ohio and came to Kentucky for college. Now I can't imagine being anywhere else but here! :]

    My great-grandparents on my mom's side came from Finland. My mom's cousin actually went there last year...around this time actually. Saw some pics of my distant cousins. They all look like ME: blonde hair, fair skin, blue eyes, and a lot younger than they actually are. I love my gene pool :D

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    1. Summer is the best time to come and visit :) Unless if you like snow, then the best time is winter time :))

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    2. Aww If you do move to Scotland. TAKE ME WITH YOU!!!!!!!!

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    3. I was there this time last year. :/ Man I miss it. <3 OK SHALAKA!!!

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    4. We could totally live in Scotland Kelly! We so could.

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  6. I'm a California girl, born and raised, and though I'd love the experience of living somewhere else for a while, my heart is here with the Pacific Ocean, the mountains, the deserts, and the sunshine.
    Canada is so very gorgeous- I love it there. I envy you your country's peaceful status, your low crime rates, your healthcare system. But I worry for you about all the American blowhards (Rush Limbaugh) that threaten to move there and stink it up. Don't let them in! Keep Canada beautiful!

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    1. Hollye it is perfect that you love who you are and where you live. And as far as Rush goes, thanks for the heads up. However, never underestimate us. We are polite but tenacious. And we know what makes us unique. Xo

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  7. I have never moved more than 4 miles in any one direction. I love Los Angeles but, am thankfull I have the ability to travel everywhere. But home is home and that for me is LA with all the "nuts and chews" as we like to say here.

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    1. Madge I love to hear of the born and bred passion. YOU are where you belong and isn't that sweet? Nuts and chews is working for you. Lovely.

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  8. yes Dublin Ireland is where my heart is . I have no feeling of patriotism towards Ireland but I am not ashamed to be from here either . this country is in some ways messed up but we do have some good things here too .

    I am the daughter of an Anglo Irish family . my dad is english my mom Irish . dad was born in manchester UK after his mother and her sisters left Dublin in 1900 .

    actually how my dad ended up here is a bit of a story . he came here with his parents in 1950 which in itself was unusual as at that time Irish people were leaving here to go to England not the other way round . i asked dad about his fathers reasons for coming here and he told me a very sad story . my dads father lost his father during world war 1 at the battle of chambray . my great grandfather had not long gone back to his regiment after compassionate leave to see his new born daughter . he was conscripted to fight despite at 40 being to old for the army in peace time however war changes the rules . as a result my granddad always said he would not join the British army nor would any son that he may have in the future . national service continued for many years after the end of world war 2 so dad would have been called into the army . my granddad did'nt want this so they came over here . even though he has been living her for 62 out of his 77 years dad told me when i asked him he is english not Irish . dad has cousins in England and we keep in touch but are not that close . we nearly made the journey back to the uk in 1986 to live in chester as dad was without work he felt it was the only thing he could do . thankfully he bought a shop and the need to leave ended .
    my moms family is a bit more boring . the only emigrant is my uncle Kevin who went from Dublin to london in the 1950's as a promotion from the company he was working for here . in 1985 or so he left for new york where he lives to this day .

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    1. "this country is in some ways messed up but we do have some good things here too ." This is true of the entire world! It's the good things that help get us through the bad.

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    2. LInda what a story. It continues to fascinate me the things that we humans become...and why. Thank you so much for sharing that amazing story about your family.

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  9. I'm English, born and bred, as were my parents, although the family tree goes in so many different directions and countries. I do love England, but I think I could quite happily live elsewhere. My sister keeps trying to convince me to move to Canada with her, and I probably would seriously consider it if my husband wasn't totally against it. England is obviously where he belongs (despite Scottish heritage!), whereas I'm a little bit more of a drifter. I mean, I'll always love Sussex (where I was born and grew up) but I'd be quite content just to fly back for visits.

    I guess I'm a bit like the song, 'Wherever I lay my hat, that's my home'. As long as I had my family with me, I'd be happy anywhere. :)

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    1. Roz perfect answer. So glad you feel that way. Sometimes, what we strive for is not what we are meant for, agreed?

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  10. AWW...Deb, can you read my mind?????? Ive been pondering this subject for a while, since I decided to move to Toronto. Unlike lots of people I know, I AM planning to settle down there.YAY. Ive always LOVED you Canadians! I was born and raised here in Mumbai. Ive NEVER gotten out of my state for more than 10 days. Coz I feel EXTREMELY homesick...That how I USED to be. That is actually why it came as a shock to my mom when I said, "I'm MOVING to Canada...probably for a LONG TIME". She is proud though. But now I've COMPLETELY CHANGED...For the better ofcourse. You wouldnt like the Depressed Shalaka from 2009.

    But I know I will LOVE Toronto. I've always wanted to travel and stuff. and Like you, I always wanted to live in London and US. But I would love to live in different places, explore and stick a pin in every place on the map!! Ahhh... I like this dream...I'm gonna live this dream! Ohhh and I'll click pictures everywhere and get a big wallpaper of the World Map.. and stick my pictures in the respective locations!!!

    And I am like Colin. I DONT think I will ever belong to ONE country. But still, I will always be, culturally atleast, a HARDCORE INDIAN! Ya know why? Because even today the only question I have is not 'how I will survive in a new country?', 'How will I adjust to the climate?' etc. But the question is "It snows there a lot. Especially during Diwali. How the HELL will I decorate my house with rangoli (Its a sort of painting we do in front of our houses...with powdered colours) and have diwali lamps?????? Will they let me get a ganpati idol home during the Ganesh festival? HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO FIND A TEMPLE THERE??!?!?!". When I pondered this I realized, No matter where I go I'll still be worried about our gazillion festivals and HOW TO CELEBRATE THEM? But once I figure that out....YOU ARE ALL INVITED to the Celebrations! (You'll LOVE them!).

    Oh.. and I'm soooo happy you girls Love your country. Coz you'll be showing me around when I get there. WONT YOU????? (This question goes to Mary-Jo too. I HAVE TO MEET RED!)

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  11. ....And Speaking of Colin and Canada..

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6L63DHkF-2g

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    1. Shalaka you are so young and that is nothing but good. You will love and eat up everywhere you land! You will make each place you land in, your home. I think you will do this all through your life.

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  12. I'm a Texan! I'll always be a Texan, even though I haven't called Texas home in 18 years. I've lived in six other state in the US. None of them have ever felt like home, but when you only spend three years in any one place, you never really get to put down roots. My poor kids have no home city or state. I have a great love for the mountains and always felt like I belonged in the Rockies, but I have never lived in the place I've wanted to the most - Colorado. I don't guess I'll ever feel like I'm at home. But that's OK. You can take the gal out of Texas, but you'll never take the Texas out of this gal.

    Heritage-wise, my ancestors are 90% British Isles. Lots from England, some Irish, and a Scottish line. The Scottish family is nearest to my heart, probably because I knew the great-grandmother who had grown-up in Scotland. I've met my Scottish cousins and keep in contact with as many of them as I can. So, I've always had a love for Scotland and I think I could be happy living there. Until I can move to Colorado or Scotland, I'll just try and be content in whatever location I'm placed in. At least this current home is surrounded by green trees and not desert dirt. Never could get use to the desert landscapes of New Mexico.

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    1. Love that you love who you are and where you live-literally and emotionally! Pride is a gorgeous thing. Go Texas!

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  13. This was a really interesting topic/story! I've actually thought that one day I might move to Canada, just for a change of scenery and the fact that it's such a beautiful country. ^-^
    Also I knew Colin was originally Scottish, but I never knew that you're Son was American. I mean when you think how you, your husband and your son, in some way, hold ties to different countries, your family becomes very versatile.

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    1. You are right Garrett our family is very versatile and i hope we can take advantage of that lovely fact,

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  14. Love this question. I was raised in Lakewood, Ohio, close to the Maple Heights of Deb's dad. I knew at an early age that I would not stay in Ohio. And as soon as I could, I got out. Lived in San Francisco for several years and vowed never to leave it. But then I met a woman from Connecticut. I've lived here for most of my life now, have raised a family here, blah blah blah. I hated Connecticut at first, love it now and am glad I live here. But while I'll probably always live in Connecticut, near those closest to my heart, a part of me will always yearn for San Francisco while my sensibilities remain stubbornly Midwestern.

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    1. James that is so great! I love how you have adapted. I wish my Dad could have travelled more, but he did not have the means. But he travelled in his mind-everywhere.

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  15. I've lived in Malden, MA for 39 of my 44 years. (I moved 10 minutes up the street, which crossed the city lines, for the 5 years of my first marriage.) I am a Bostonian, born and bred. Fierce loyalty to the city, the Red Sox, the accent... everything. This is my home. If I ever move anywhere else, state or country, I will always be a Bostonian.

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    1. As you should be. Boston pride is you! Love the loyalty.

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  16. I could live anywhere for a season, but the western US is home for me (from WA, live in CA). I didn't get to travel much when I was a kid, though in my twenties I was in the military and travelled a fair bit. My thirties and part of my forties have been pretty anchored (we've had a number of family road trips). Once my kiddos are teens, we will pull up anchor and travel the states, then the continent, then the world. We're homeschoolers who believe travel makes a wonderful education. I don't think I'd want to permanently relocate outside the states, but I'm still young and adventurous, so who knows!

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    1. Yes Eileen I think you said it! Who knows!!! That is soooooo how I feel. Open to anything. and it sounds like you are too.

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  17. Spent my whole life in a college town in southeastern Ohio. It was a great place to grow up but I didn't see a future for myself there. Came to Berea, KY for college and my first year, if you told me I was going to end up living here I would have laughed in your face! But now that I'm here I can't imagine going anywhere else...at least not anytime soon!

    Personally, I WANT TO LIVE IN A HOBBIT HOLE!!!!!!!! I've been watching production videos and the set where the hobbit holes are is just BEAUTIFUL! They're actually now keeping it open to the public for tours and stuff. It's just so pretty, green, peaceful....

    Take me to the Shire!! Or Hobbiton! *freakishly excited about December 14th*

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    1. Hobbiton! Yes! I am also very excited for Dec. 14. Can't wait. If every I get to build my dream home, it will be a hobbit home (but tall enough for my 6'2" hubby)

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    2. Holly I loved this! Big shootout for what you think won't happen! Molly I loved that you jumped right in to the discussion. Hobbiton! Happily in a hobbit hole. sounds good.

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  18. Wow! You know, this is something that I have given a lot of thought to.
    My heritage crosses borders. I have Native American hertiage that starts right here, where I live. My great- grandmother was a beautiful Native American that married a man that was part Irish, part German, I believe. This is where I feel my story truly begins. I have been told that I have the look of them, fair skin, dark features, a real blending of these different cultures. I am so very proud of my heritage, and although I sometimes get not so nice remarks about certain things, I would not trade it for the world.
    I love where I live, but as I get older I think more about maybe living somewhere else. I really could see myself living in London. I have never been there, but I just have this internal feeling of connection. I would also love to at least visit Ireland and Germany, to see where I am truly from.
    In truth, I consider myself an Irish-German-Native American.

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    1. Steph this is fantastic. Don't we all hope that we end up here? So mishmashed, so intermingled that we will never ever be able to tell each other apart again. We will, each of us be the same rainbow DNA.

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  19. -I personally am a Canadian through and through. Canada is where I Feel at Home. The Weather, with all its changing attitudes, feels comfortable to me. I recognize all its landscapes from coast to coast as being distinctly Canadian. This is definately my home.

    When Laurel was 9, we went to visit a friend of mine in Brussels and we added a four day stay in London on the way back. We took a bus tour to Bathe and Stonehenge while we were there, and though it was my third time in London, it was my FIRST trip out into the English countryside.

    We got off the highway, drove through a suberb of tudor houses, around a bend and there it was before me: rolling hills divided by stone walls and dotted with little cottages. I wept. I mean I really wept. It was all I could do to keep from sobbing aloud. The feeling was overwhelming: I had come Home after a very long trip. I wanted that bus to stop so we could get off. It was so beautiful, green and hauntingly familiar.

    My ancestors are from Great Britian as close as my Grandfather. He left England and never returned - perhaps it was his longing and relief I experienced. I don't know, but I do know I am going back and next time out, I am going get off that bus and stay a while!

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    1. Fran I know exactly what you are talking about. EAch time we are there we feel we have come home in a very real way. I urge you to get off that bus and stay awhile. Start planning!

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    2. Oh I am! I have a route that includes walking, biking and riding the Ridgeway Trail, then I'l stop by the Lost Garden of Heligen - then its off to Wales to spend some quality time at Aberglasney - another 'lost' and restored garden. Stop in at Pinner and see/meet some relatives. All the while, I'll be looking for an excuse not to come back, or at the very least return.

      I have heard people say 'I've always wanted to go to' ..insert place here... 'But I can't because if I do, I'll never come back'. GO! Is my retort. ;ust GO. A place that calls you, has something for you.

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    3. I agree with you 100%! Our autumn includes the Yukon, Sri Lanka and India. Cannot wait. Your trip sounds amazing. I have never been to Wales. I will. I'll go!

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  20. My older brother and I recently started geneology searches and found out my maternal grandmother arrived here (NY) from Scotland in her early twenties. My maternal great grandfather came from Germany. Since my father was out of our lives most of our childhoods and since my mom offered very little information about him we ran into walls searching his history. Just a couple weeks ago we discovered my father lost both his parents in Canada (hence the brick wall we ran into) and somehow at age two he and his two older brothers ended up in an orphanage in CT. We found their names on a list of orphans at this place in Danielson CT.

    I was born on Long Island and lived there for the first eleven years of my life. It was a wonderful existence with my six brothers and sisters and my numerous cousins we spent every summer on the beach. At that time Long Island was pretty rural and we had a farm with horses, and a cow, ducks, geese, kittens, and puppies. Everything changed when my mother met my stepfather and moved us to upstate NY. I not only left the only way of life I knew but my stepfather refused to bring along the four oldest siblings. I was not allowed to have contact with them and was forced to try to reestablish a relationship as adults. I was miserable for more reasons than I care to go into here but was made fun of for my accent and so much more. I remember often wishing I could make myself invisible and all I wanted to do was "go home". I went back to Long Island many years later and it was nothing like I remembered, that's even more true now. I guess I will always consider myself a Long Islander but to be honest I would more accurately describe myself as a country girl. I feel most at home in the wide open rural setting like where I live now. I love cities and find them exciting and beautiful, but I always embrace coming home to the country where life is slower and people smile at each other all the time. Everyone knows you by name here and they ask about my mom or my kids. It's very Mayberry like here and I wouldn't have it any other way. I have to say there is something very calming and familiar though when I hear ocean waves to this day!

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    1. Mary wonderful story. Long Island has a long reach for you. You seem to be able to thrive in both sides of yourself. That is a perfect world.

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  21. Speaking of Scotland, Deb, when I saw this article today, I thought you would be happy:

    http://www.perthnow.com.au/news/world/scotland-to-legalise-gay-marriage/story-fnd14032-1226435270269

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  22. I was born in and have always lived in New Zealand. It's definitely where my heart lies. All four of my grandparents immigrated from the Netherlands (two of them from Fryslan) so I definitely have ties there too, but that's more of a cultural thing than a "I'd like to live there" thing.

    While NZ will always be my home country I could imagine myself living in many different places quite happily, and hopefully maybe one day I'll get to =)

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  23. Aimee this is so wonderful. You love where you live. And where you live is perfect for you. Perfect. Many years of health and joy to you in your home.

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  24. I have never left America so I am enitrely American : ) Although I like to think of myself as An East coaster but being in Texas is making me love the South : )
    I want to travel some day. I am watching the opening ceromny of the Olympics now and I am loving watching he traditions and colors flags from each country : )

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    1. Loved the opening ceremonies! They were fabulous and yes watching the flags made me think "I want to go there and there and there and there are there!"

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  25. An interesting question, ladies. Although I'm afraid my answer won't be nearly as interesting. I was born in Birmingham, Alabama, and have been here ever since. In my 32 years on this earth, I've never lived in any other city or state. Heck, for 28 years I've been in the same house! And I don't travel often at all- I haven't even left Alabama in over 10 years. I've sometimes thought about what it would be like to live somewhere else, either in another state or even another country (England, Scotland, and Canada are all places that I think I'd like quite a lot), but I could never just pick up and go like that. So I guess I'll stay here and wave my wee Alabama flag...

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    1. April, I've lived in the same house for more than 30 years. I got married, I left. I got divorced, I came back. I got married, I left. I get divorced, I came back. There will be NO rinse and repeat, most likely because I won't be leaving again. Sometimes it's a bummer, because I'd like to have my own place. I don't mind, though, because at least it's here.

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  26. April the answer was very interesting. It shows that you are exactly where you should be. Happy and meant to be! At least that's what I think.

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    1. That's exactly what I was trying to say, Deb. Thanks!

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  27. I would love to be like your husband and just be an adventurous citizen of the world! I don't think I'm tied to a country as much as I am to being where my large extended family live. I love Australia and grew up here, but I was the child of parents who never identified strongly as being Australian- my dad misses England, and my mum misses Jamaica, and my older siblings were Canadian born. So I guess while I love where I live so much I never felt I was tied to living here forever.
    That being said, I can't imagine moving away from everyone. It's just not in our nature! My mother's family was all based in Jamaica in the 70's, and then my aunt married someone who was moving to Australia for work. She was devastated to leave but followed her husband. 4 months later the entire extended family packed up all their possessions and moved to Perth to follow them. Arrived on their doorstep on christmas eve- no job, no idea of what Perth was like or what they were going to do here. Just knew that they wanted all the family to stick together!
    I would love to live in so many different places that I've fallen in love with in my travels (Paris, London, Toronto, New York, San Fran..) but no longer than a year I think- hot weather, the beach, and family will always call me back!

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  28. Hmmm...I've never lived in another place. I've always lived here...and I don't know, if I want to move to another city.
    I'm no adventurer...so I don't want to live in another country, I guess. Sorry, I'm boring. ;)
    I love my little city, although sometimes it really sucks, because I'm in the middle of nowhere, and always have to drive far to get somewhere (and I do like big cities, they always fascinate me).
    But it's a nice city, with a huge history, a famous writer, some art galleries, some inventions, and industry. We have a river, forests, lots of nature. Everything you need.

    But I would love to live by the sea. I love water so, so, so, much...I think I'm a mermaid. ;) I couldn't live without being near water or being in the water. I need it. (Barbara, we could be neighbours!)

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