Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Recurring Nightmare Before Christmas


Deb: I know that the most boring thing in the world is when people talk about their dreams. I hope we agree that I have acknowledged that and we can all move past our prejudices on that subject.

I have the same dream every year of my adult life in the months of November and December, and I had my first of the year last night. I dream that it is Christmas Eve day. We are just leaving our annual club sandwich and martini brunch with our friends and suddenly I realize that I have not shopped for anyone. I look at Colin in horror, heart pounding, and exclaim through tears that I have forgotten to shop. I explain to him that he will be getting nothing, my parents will be getting nothing, Luke will be getting nothing, and I am shaking with regret and panic.

In last night’s episode, Colin stayed calm (what else is new?) and he suggested splitting the list in half and hitting the mall until we were done. As dreams are wont to do, suddenly it is—not 2pm when our five-minute exchange began—but the more ever-pressing 5pm. That leaves us with an hour to do all we need to do, including filling stockings! My husband tells me in stoic tones that he doesn’t need anything and that I should not bother about his gifts, but of course that is out of the question. Even the dream question. The dream ends as I am riding up the elevator, pea green with envy at the purchase laden shoppers around me.  The weird thing about this recurring nightmare before Christmas is that I always wake up feeling energized physically and spent emotionally.

It is fascinating to me that I have these dreams every year. I am always prepared for the holidays and I generally start early. At breakfast this morning, I started to examine this yearly r.e.m. ritual for its meaning. Never fear, I will not bore you with my back and forthings, just my conclusions. And for the record they are inconclusive, these conclusions. So I guess they are not conclusions at all. Let’s just call them possibles.

Here is my possible. My Mom did not have money growing up. They were, as I have said before, the happy recipients of The Toronto Star Santa Fund, which delivered a package of Christmas in a box to each child in her family every year. Although extremely grateful for their generosity and the city’s generosity in donating to the fund, I know she was determined to change it up for her children. As a result, Christmas was the magical store window Christmas for us. My Mom did it up, let me tell you. And she fretted and plotted and ran around town like a lunatic to get everything she could afford, to place us in a postcard Christmas morning. Without even trying, she has instilled this in me. And although I have come strides in my life regards obsessing around the perfect Christmas, my subconscious is clearly festooned with boxes and bows and panic!

Shopped my Misstletush off today. Yes I did.
Although I do like kind of panicky there, don't I?  And P.S. Cutest skirt ever. It was felt, lined with silk. The doors of the circus carts would open to reveal different lovely animals.
LOVED THAT SKIRT!

Barbara: First off, I have to say that I actually have NOTHING against people describing their dreams. Instead, I find it quite fascinating. It’s so up my alley in terms of conjecture and psychology and fantasy and unlimited possibility. That said, I will acknowledge that I may be in the minority!

As for your dream—knowing how brilliant you are at the whole Christmas thing, how prepared and thorough you are, it amazed me that this would be an Achilles heel of yours. But, of course, don’t we all have issues around those things that mean (for whatever reason) the most to us?

Me? It’s the classic “actor’s nightmare” where I’m performing and can’t remember any of the lines. The truth of that nightmare is that it actually feels like it could be a possibility! I so feel like I would struggle with lines if I were to do a play again. With you, it just doesn’t seem possible that you would ever EVER forget to shop for Christmas. Anyway, I know that’s not the point of our dreams. I know there is deep voodoo magic embroiled inside them. What I wonder is: is there any way we can stop the cycle???

But, more importantly, congrats on already chipping away at the Christmas list, Deb!



57 comments:

  1. I like hearing people's dreams. They can be interesting.
    As far as Christmas goes...yeah, I've started the shopping and wrapping of gifts already. I try to buy a little here and there so that I can get the things that I really think people will like and enjoy and I am also able to buy more if I spread out my shopping rather than doing it all at once. Although, I always seem to forget something and have to run around town trying to find it. I usually have my Christmas shopping done before Christmas Eve since that is my mother's birthday.
    Love the photo of you and Santa, Deb. And yes, the skirt is adorable!

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  2. Steph you are already wrapping! I am impressed.

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  3. Since we celebrate Hannukah and it comes on Dec 8 this year, I have barely begun to think about it. Usually it is money for the nieces and my kids and I don't trade anymore. The grandkids are pretty much set after asking them what they want and discussing with their parents. I don't trade much anymore for the holidays with friends. We all need nothing so it is more about donations to charities for me. I have already started doing that. Christmas and Hannukah are so minor in my family as we all grow and age that it really doesn't stress me at all. But I am the rare exception. A few gifts are bought for friend's kids and that's about it.

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    1. Sounds like a happy and calm holiday season for you Madge! Great.

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  4. I am starting my shopping for christmas today. As far as dreams go,i have ones where my grandfather is still ,i dream,about him alot.

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    1. I hope he comes sweetly into your dreams Lyndsie and that it gives you peace.

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  5. Hi Deb!
    I think we've already had this exchange, that you LOVE Christmas, always have...now that you've got the 'possible' that the shopping thang has been with you forever, I wonder how you'd feel about a 'Rockwell Christmas'? Or even a Cratchett one? You know....snow gently falling outside, the tree is decorated, the candles lit, surrounded by family, a glass of wine, and maybe that one special gift for each - carefully chosen and wrapped, or even home-made.
    Every year here we promise that we're going to keep the spending in check, and for the most part, we do. In fact, I'm probably the biggest culprit in the family. But we shop local, make shortbread, usually cut our own tree (this was SO amazing when Chris was younger!) and look forward to turkey and the trimmings...partly because we all love that meal, with family, and partly because it means the holiday is close to done...if that makes sense.
    However one celebrates, with a carload of gifts, or home-made baking, I always hope it is what you WANT to do, not what you feel you have to do...
    Cheers...and let me be the first(?) to say "Best of the season, to you"

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    1. Thanks Rick! Good advise well taken. Do what you want to do. And I do I swear. Mostly. But sometimes it's hard. Still LOVE it though. Sounds like you have and have had some wonderful Christmases in your home! Best of the season right back at you.

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  6. I love it when people share their dreams; they're only boring when the dream goes on for three pages of way too much detail. Yours reminds me of some that I have once in a while -- not the plot, but the underlying anxiety about Not Being Prepared. I take mine as a message from spirit: quit futzing around, and tend to your soul, baby! it seems to say to me. In my dream similar to yours, meaningwise (my opinion of what mine mean, relating to yours), I am always in school and am not ready for exams because I haven't attended all the classes and done the necessary work. I haven't learned what I needed to learn.

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    1. Many of us have these in one form or another don't we? Tend to your soul. Wise words.

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  7. I like hearing people's dreams, I think it's because I'm rarely ever able to recall my own dreams so the whole subject intrigues me. As for Christmas I find I'm more stressed about how to get all the family and friend time in that I can. Maybe it's because shopping seems to have become easier while the get togethers with my family have become more complicated and it seems there are more and more things we want to do each year. Right now however my biggest concern is that I didn't get the outside lights up before the snow hit. Although at least this way if I fall off the roof I've got a soft landing.

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    1. Funny. But DONT' fall for heaven's sake! You and Kate love hearing people's dreams. I think that's lovely. So many people do not.

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  8. I haven't even started yet. And probably won't this year.

    College Kid. On. A. Budget. Luckily my friends and family are understanding! ^_^

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    1. Just MAKE things. With minimal $$$, you can gather enough craft supplies to make something for everyone! Or, cook!

      Store bought Christmas is NOT a necessity.

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    2. It's not a necessity true enough, to a degree. There are some people in my life that I could not give baking or crafts to. i.e.. Mom and Dad. But believe me I have done it and I love it. I do one craft a year, either for friends and family or for our home. Simple but fun. Haven't started this year. We have cut out exchanging with most friends years ago. But your crafts are so wonderful Rigel. They are worth so much more than money.

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    3. Oh, I agree with Rigel. Making gifts is cheap and heartfelt. I am making some gifts as well as buying some as well. I too am a college kid on a budget, but I try to find unique and cheap gifts. As long as its from the heart, then it is the perfect gift.

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  9. Finished my Christmas shopping today! But I did start somewhere in July, so it's about time :-)
    This year I wanted to be sure I had a thoughtful, more personal gift for everyone, instead of the last-minute, generic gifts I sometimes come up with...and then buying WAY too much to overcompensate, so no-one would feel that I didn't CARE enough about them to get them a good enough gift!!
    The psychology behind gift-giving stress is fascinating :-) I guess I can blame marketing, but in fairness I'm afraid it's my own insecurity making me want to feel good by buying the PERFECT gifts and making everything PERFECT so as not to 'disappoint' the family. Certainly takes the joy out of it. So trying to avoid that this year. *fingers crossed*

    Also, Deb: I can't blame you for looking a bit panicky in that photo - Santa's not exactly looking jolly, is he??

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    1. ...and when I say "trying to avoid that", I meant trying to avoid the feelings of insecurity and trying to avoid to want to make everything perfect. That way it leaves more room just to enjoy Christmas. Just to clarify that! Though I'm not sure I have... ;-)

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    2. Margo I love you reply, I love your enthusiasm, I love your whole philosophy! Thanks!

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  10. First of all, I agree with Barb. I have nothing against people describing their dreams.. I find it extremely fascinating and I LOOVE interpreting and analyzing dreams. I think dreams are a perfect reflection of what we FEEL at that given point in time. And its all tangible! I adore your Christmas spirit Deb! Its soo endearing to see the sparkly, christmasy vibe you have! And the good thing is you dont really have to rush to prepare considering you guys arent coming to India this November. It wouldve been sucha rush if you were.

    And the dream is just jitters I think. (LOL although you didnt ask for my opinion...I have a natural knack of peptalk so I'm gonna talk anyway!) Like you said you felt spent emotionally..Thats probably just jitters. Nightmares just tell us about the negative emotions weve been holding strongly. The way the dream plays out is your brain deciphering it in blocks of images...and FEELING. You just want everything to go really well thats why you had that dream! Thats all! Just relax...That'll change the dream! -- Oh and maybe..giving Colin a bigger gift for being soo understanding in the dream might help too.

    I want to celebrate EVERYTHING! Lemme just come there...and I'll be having FUN! We do have Diwali here but its not soo festivy. My folks pretty much keep bickering ALL THE TIME...which drains the energy out. So we just prepare because of the tradition! But OHH WAIT TILL I GET THERE! I'm gonna celebrate the SHIT OUTTA ALL FESTIVALS!!! No bickering....JUST LOVE! (thats a great line for a bumper sticker!)

    And You look...SOOO CUTE in that pic...A DOLL!! LOVE THE SKIRT!! And like Ive said before. You're mom is sucha wonderful person....and I HAVE TO MEET HER!!
    Hope both your mom and dad are doing well now. Sending lots of love! xo

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    1. lol cancel the both!! Damn whats up with my english!

      And....STOP IT WITH THE ADORABLE!! I told you...I'm on my NINTH LIFE! I can afford die AWWWWWWing again! :P ;)

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    2. cant....DAMN IT!!! I blame the kids lighting firecrackers... they finally damaged my brain...

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    3. Firecrackers? Diwali?

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    4. Yeah Rigel its Diwali here...BIG FESTIVAL! People light firecrackers in celebration.

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    5. Shalaka you forever delight and enthral me! And I Love that Rigel was in the middle of this!!! What resonated with me was the fact that you saw it as just jitters.

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  11. Oh DEB What a treasure you are!!! I LoVe falling in LoVe with you over, and over, and over again! That photo is sweet as Christmas PIE! I also recall all my favorite dresses when i was that age. I so miss the time when everyone used to get in their "fancies" to fly on the planes!

    I'm with Barb, i actually have NOTHING against people describing their dreams to me. I thinking dreams are fascinating.
    I believe in the powere of our mind and what a dream "could" mean. When i was a child i used to keep a dream diary. I think your dream is a fantastic refection of your magnanimous heart. LoVe you.

    Happy holidays beauty! Tis the season!
    xoxox Seana

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    1. Seana in our fancies made my day! When my Granny and Grandpa went to Scotland we all and I mean all of us met at the airport and gave them a corsage and boutonniere. Granny had a fox stole on!!! The one's that have the fox's head biting his tail. Wish I was kidding. But the upshot of it is that it was an event! An event to partake in the miracle of flying! Credit to Louis C.K.

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    2. I Love that Granny had her Fancies ON!!! A corsage and boutonniere.... swoon!

      We went to the Theater to see "The Book Of Mormon" (as you know) and i got my Fancies on, and walked out and Bradley said, "STUNNING. You are always Stunning. However, it is LA"... i said, "I know and i dont care!"

      I finished getting ready and walked out to find my LoVie in HIS fancies! My heart filled.

      Needless to say The show was brilliant!! We Looked FABULOUS! And YES, we were the only ones in our Fancies! And I LoVed IT!!!

      xoxox
      Seana

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  12. It appears you have a spammer, ladies. There's no way to reply that doesn't take you directly to the page of interest to her.

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  13. Deb, that picture is absolutely adorable!! I had a velvet dress, too. SO comfy, and so memorable!
    My brother was Santa in a mall for a couple of years. We thought it'd be a great idea to bring my daughter to HIM for her first Christmas picture. We thought she'd recognize his voice and be okay.

    Suffice it to say, we were mistaken. :)

    As far as dreams are concerned, I agree with Stubblejumping gal: "I love it when people share their dreams; they're only boring when the dream goes on for three pages of way too much detail."

    We have a tiny family, which makes it easy to shop for Christmas. I haven't gotten anything for anyone yet because I don't know what to get yet. There are several reasons I don't particularly care for the holiday season, so it gets tough to find the "holiday spirit." I'm glad I'll be getting to read your blogs, Deb. Your enthusiasm for everything is a real mood booster. Have fun! And keep telling us about it!

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    1. Thanks Dawn! Maybe that's our goal this year!!! To give Dawn the Christmas spirit!!!

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  14. I am with Kelly here. Broke college kid. Plus I dont have a car on campus and dont get home until the 11th. So I've got about 2 weeks to get everything done. Here is where it comes in handy that I am a go-with-the-flow kind of person.
    I took a psychology class once and was told that remembering your dreams is a good thing. I usually forget mine, to the point that we had to keep a dream journal and just treated it like a creative writing assignment and made it all up :) But talking about your dreams has got to have some benefit so I say Talk! Plus who knows what little insights we may all take from this? I guarantee none of us will be able to help but think of this post once we finish shopping and thankful we didnt forget to shop!
    :)

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    1. I agree! I think dreams are important. I am always trying to figure mine out. This one was not soooo tough to figure out, except the fact that I never screw up Christmas. Curious that I still fear that one thing.

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  15. Hmmm, Deb, can we trade recurrent nightmares, please? I like yours better.

    I have a set of recurrent nightmares that I've had for YEARS. I first remember them beginning sometime in my 2nd year at university (ages 18-19).

    1. Plunging to death in a plummeting elevator: The fall is taking a long time. I have enough moments to go through the whole, "I'm about to die," thought process. The dream always ends with me jerking awake at the instant of impact and death. Mostly, I'm alone in the death elevator. But, sometimes, other people make guest appearances in the death elevator, too. And, they are always either a) angry at me and blaming me for their impending deaths, b) rejecting my last second telling them I love them and hope to see them in Heaven - instead turning their backs coldly to me, jerking away when I strain to reach over and touch their backs, and leaving me alone to wait for death pressed isolated and rejected in the corner of the elevator, (BTW, I once had this nightmare when it was Colin in the death elevator doing that.) or c) not listening and not following instructions - I've found a way to save us all from the death that's seconds away, and no one will listen to me so we're all about to die anyway.

    2. All of my teeth falling out: The dream always starts w/me going about daily business and feeling one tooth loosen with my tongue. Then other teeth. The dream ends with me either spitting into a sink or onto dirt ground as all my teeth have loosened and come out in a jagged, gnarly, bloody, bony, horrifying mess of shredded gums and mouthfuls of blood.

    3. Having a mouth full of thousands of tiny shards of glass, and no matter how much I rinse with water, no matter how much I spit, no matter how much blood has started to flow, I can't empty my mouth of the shards of glass. That dream always ends with me jolting awake choking. I usually have to get up and go drink 2 or 3 glasses of water.

    4. I dream that I'm a student at university. It's just a few days from final exams. And, I find out there's a course I was enrolled in all semester and didn't know. And, even though I never attended even one class, they never took me off enrollment. So, I've missed every test, every project, etc. and have a 0 F in the class. But, if I can cram, cram, cram and get a high A on the final exam, they'll let me get away w/a C on my transcript. But, it's a class in a subject that I don't know, and it's really complicated and hard, and there's no way I can learn the whole semester in just a day or 2. But, the university won't withdraw me from the class because it's months after the drop/add deadline and the withdrawl deadline. So, this class will be on my transcript. And, the whole dream, I get more and more panicked.

    5. I'm in a restaurant that's very busy, very full, including babies in high chairs. Often, there are lots of relatives of mine at my table. I can see through the big windows that there's a tornado coming. No one will listen to me, no one will look out the windows, no one will take shelter. And, they're pissed off at me for raisin a ruckus and mocking me and being really stuck up and dismissive of me. They keep telling me to sit down and shut up, that I don't know what I'm talking about and I'm embarrassing them. I can't even get people to protect their little babies, and they hit and shove me when I try to protect the babies myself. The tornado hits. Most people survive, but the building's pretty torn up. Looking out a gaping hole in the wall, I see another tornado coming. Same thing. Nobody'll listen. Nobody'll believe me. Nobody'll take shelter. 2nd tornado hits. Repeat until I wake up after a chain of tornadoes hitting the restaurant, each one leaving fewer survivors.

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    1. The death elevator sounds scary! I had a dream in which I actually died, and the dream continued. I was in one of those garden mazes, fighting with a sword, leading troops into battle, and I got cut down. I was there on the ground, dead, and my fellow soldiers were stepping over me, my second-in-command taking over, continuing the battle, outnumbered, until my whole army was dead beside me. And then the dream reset and we fought again but took a different path in the maze, and I died again, and the dream continued until I found a safe way out of the maze.

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    2. I've read various interpretations of dreams about tooth loss. The one I prefer (though, of course, it hasn't proven true) is it symbolizes money. This is based on the tooth fairy habit of leaving money for lost teeth. What I just found seems to be a lot more relevant, to me, at least:
      * Losing teeth in a dream: Representation of anxiety
      * A costly compromise or decision
      * Radical change going from the old to the new
      * Starting something a new phase in your life or project.
      This fits me to a T, and I have this dream about crumbling teeth OFTEN.

      I still like the money theory better. :)

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    3. And you're scaring me, because I've had #4, too. I can't even find the location of the class for the final, never mind not knowing I was in it in the first place. I'm not looking up the interpretation, but I go with the idea of having unfinished business in my life that I've let get out of control. Also very fitting, since there are a couple of things that apply to this.

      It'd a bit unnerving to think that my inner/outer "JUST DO IT" inability doesn't stop when I go to sleep. It goes into overdrive.

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    4. Wow Rigel, I hardly know what to say! those are terrifying dreams. The only one I can begin to relate to is the exam one, as I have had the same as Barb-the actor's nightmare where it is opening night and I don't know one single line or where I am supposed to stand. The others sound horrific. I hope that maybe now that you have told us these nightmares, they will just go away!

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  16. I like hearing about people's dreams too, and sharing my own! I used to have a recurring nightmare about being immobilized, but I haven't had it in ages. The Christmas nightmare is so funny, Deb! I love that Colin is practical and unflustered even in your dreams! It shows how much you trust him, I think!
    My family doesn't do much for Christmas presents, so forgetting to shop wouldn't be an issue. We only buy for one person apiece, with a $10 limit, so it wouldn't be the end of the world to forget. Sometimes we do gag gifts, and other times it's just little things like stationery sets or gloves. When one of us is overseas, like we will be this year, we don't bother to send gifts or cards - it's the thought that counts, so we accept good thoughts instead of gifts.
    Christmas seems so far away this year, I've barely even considered it! My sister and I have had invites to spend it in Mexico with friends or with a cousin in Colombia, but we're undecided. There are Christmas trees and nativity scenes everywhere here in Costa Rica, but with the weather being warm it doesn't feel anything like Christmas. I don't think I would mind skipping out on it altogether - for our family, it's mostly about food and family togetherness. I don't think my sister and I will exchange gifts, so we'll just have a pleasant meal together and call it Christmas.

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    1. Hannah it sounds like you will have a lovely one, getting together with family and sitting down at the table together. Sounds like Christmas to me!

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  17. I have a dream that's REAL, that it's really happening. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know it's a dream, but it still feels so real I think the idea that it's a dream is just a wish. (Does that make any sense?) I'm walking around topless. Completely exposed. I panic at first, try to find something to cover up with. I never find anything, so I wind up just accepting it.
    I like the idea that, though I've exposed perhaps too much of myself to the world, I've learned to accept it and move on, knowing this is just the way it is.
    Walking topless as self-acceptance. I like it. :)

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    1. Dawn it is self -acceptance. I love that you just go with it now instead of panicking. Fab!

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  18. When my parents separated I was 9 years old. My father was suddenly gone and no one discussed it with me and my sisters. For years I had a dream of Boris and Natasha from the Rocky and Bullwinkle show chasing me around my grandmother's house. My dad would rescue me time and time again but eventually he did not appear and the dream would come to an ominous conclusion. This is the only recurring dream I have had. It still terrifies me to think about it.

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    1. Oh my goodness. When you first said Boris and Natasha I laughed because I love them and always have, but the rest of the story is so sad. I am so happy that you do not have this dream anymore. It must have been awful for you.

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  19. Cute pic, Deb!!! And I have no problems with dreams either!

    I think it's absolutely batty that people go absolutely crazy and stressed and totally lose their s### around this time of year. This time of year is my favorite by far and I'm in way too much of the Christmas spirit/joy/high of it all that I don't even THINK about getting stressed out and all #)O%(&(*#$&%$*O)&%. It makes me sad, actually. For me, it's more special to me because I don't really get to see my folks that much anymore, and I just love everything about the Christmas season, ESPECIALLY being with my family.

    I don't know. Maybe because I don't have kids, or I'm not married, or whatever, but I don't freak out about shopping and all that.

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    1. Holly it's true. When I was your age it was pure joy. Still is! Just really busy pure joy! :-)

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  20. I think that you should do a blog on dreams :)
    I loved this post because i've become fairly interested with dreams over this year. Also, i would like to wish you both a very early Merry Christmas :D

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    1. Thanks Garrett. Yes it might be interesting to do a blog on dreams. They are our deepest selves aren't they?

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  21. I am happy to say that most of the time I don't remember the dreams I see. I have had some good ones and some bad ones. Too tired to think about them right now. I have bought and wrapped most of Xmas presents I am going to give this year. Just because they were bought at summer sale. Not really fan of Xmas and I will try to avoid it if possible but with small children in near family it in s quite impossible.

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  22. I'm sorry you don't love Christmas Kasku? Any reason or just not your thing?

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    1. My parents divorced when I was 7. After that I have been asked which was my favourite gift from Santa and if the answer was wrong then the gift was verbally trashed as bad. Santa would visit both parents and in both places this ritual would go on. At the farm would be beside my dad an grandparents this certain aunt who hates my mother (and vice versa). I remember one Xmas when I had chosen the Xmas present with my dad. It was not the thing our mother had asked to be bought. Before it was time to open the gifts she trashed the idea of my dad buying something else than what she had said. She said this just before we started to share the gifts so me and my sister were both there listening. In the end I pretty much cried and opened my Xmas present. That is how stressed I was. I was about 11.

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    2. Wow, Kasku, well that would do it for Christmas stress... Maybe you can unwire that with your own future celebrations???

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    3. I just relax and enjoy the quiet time if I can. I just don't have the need to celebrate it. :)

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  23. I rarely remember my dreams and when I do it seems only for a short period of time. Often there are people that I know in them but in real life they don't know each other. In my dreams, which are thankfully happy, (at least as I recall) we are all involved in events together. Whatever the heck that all means. Makes me happy!

    Christmas season is a fave- and being pretty organized I am always ready way ahead of things. (I accept those that find this annoying.) Baking is just about to start and as soon as the shortbread is painted I relax. Since we have a 3 year old granddaughter our world is enriched by seeing life through new, non-judgmental, happy and improved eyes! This year pink is the new Christmas colour (We have tried to move onto other colours - but little girls are drawn to it somehow. And while there must be research on that - it has just been easier to give in and go with this phase.) So we will make a memory for her - her own little green tree decorated in pink will make her happy. We actually found pink lights today (yay and who knew??) our pink and green M&M's are in - what's not to be excited about whether you're 3 or 60 something or other!
    Hope everyone embraces their good dreams and let's the crap go!

    Dorothy

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